You Too Can Be Jesse Jackson: At Augusta
In your best Reverend Jackson voice repeat the following rhymes:
Tiger says he wants it understood
That he plans on being good
So he’s playing in the Master’s as he should
In Augusta, where some closets still hide hoods.
Tiger is in Augusta
Trying to muster
Bring back the bluster
And restore the luster
Of a golf game he hopes is not as rusty as a '72 Duster.
Tiger had some fears
About whether the fans would cheer
Jeer
Or throw their beers
He said it seemed like he was away for years
He’s trying to focus and avoid rabbit ears
He was happy to see his fellow player’s mugs
And some greeted him with hugs
Unconcerned with his bugs
They went about their golfing duties
Not worried about Tiger’s cooties
Reporters gave Tiger the third degree
About P.E.Ds.
Did he avoid roids, human growth?
Or did he take them both?
Why was he seeing a doctor who violated the Hippocratic oath?
It was these kind of questions
Asked with aggression
In quick succession
About drugs and Tiger’s transgressions
Indiscretions
Insincere confessions
His dopey expression
How was his practice session?
The world’s oldest profession
Should’ve taught him a lesson
That the next time there’s a suggestion
Or even a hint of an erection
He better turn around and go in the opposite direction
Forget the tushes
And stay out the bushes.
Jesse I am
I cannot root for a Tiger Slam
I do not like Green Jackets and scams
I do not like the Old South
I do not believe a word that comes from Tiger’s mouth
I do not like dog leg rights
I do not like artificial hype
I do not like Tiger’s red shirt
Or that he pulled a fast one so overt
I do not like that so many were hurt
By this skirt chasing pervert
Jesse I am
I do not like Green Jackets and scams.
I know. You’re living the dream.