From the Green Room: Stephen Hawking's Warning

Stephen Hawking, the man generally considered to be the smartest human on the planet, has decided that aliens do indeed exist.  Of course, anybody who lives in Arizona would say they already know that, but Professor Hawking is not referring to the border-jumping, Home Depot-hanging, hard-working illegals currently being rounded up at will by local sheriff’s departments. He’s talking about the flying saucer-driving, anal-probing, green-antennaed space people who want to be taken to our leader. 

On his new Discovery channel series, Hawking has stated it is almost a mathematical impossibility for there not to be other life forms in the universe besides us. As there are more than 100 billion galaxies, each containing hundreds of millions of stars, Earth is most assuredly not the only place that’s inhabited.  I won’t use the word “life,” since I’m not sure you can justify the existence of it in a civilization that lists among its accomplishments cheese in a can, and MTV’s “Jersey Shore.”

Although he admits that a lot of the extra-terrestrial beings would be microbe-sized, he warns that there may be advanced life-forms that are nomadic in nature, looking to conquer and colonize. They could be two-legged herbivores, yellow, lizard-like, flying predators, or fluorescent aquatic animals that live in the oceans of one of the moons orbiting Jupiter. 

I would be afraid, if it weren’t for the fact that this revelation of Dr. Hawking’s comes conveniently when the Avatar DVD hits the shelves.  Coincidence? Who’s to say? I wasn’t going to purchase a copy, as it’s not offered in 3D, but now I’m thinking I probably should, if only to familiarize myself with the ways of the space people, should they show up here any time soon. I don’t know if they would be of the eight-foot, blue feline variety like on the planet Pandora, but it can’t hurt to be prepared.

I just hope that when they get here, they aren’t too attached to the whole anal probe thing.