From the Green Room: Tiger's Sexy Texts
Just when we think we’ve heard the last of all the brouhaha surrounding Tiger Woods, the Jesuses of Journalism at the New York Post save us by revealing the sexy text messages sent by America’s favorite Cablanasian PGA Pro to his porn star girlfriend. Are they salty? Like a street corner-vended soft pretzel floating in a pickle jar. Good taste and decorum prevent us from printing the more graphic ones here, but in the interest of truth in media, herewith are some of the less offensive ones:
Aug 27th 2009
Tiger: Sent: 2:38 A.M.
Role playing is hot…I’ll be the randy, muscular stable boy, and you be Nancy Lopez.
Sept. 17th 2009
Tiger: Sent: 1:17 P.M.
I know that you’re a porn star and all…but you WERE a virgin before you met me, right?
Oct. 6th 2009
Tiger: Sent: 2:09 P.M.
I love your boobs. I’d like to go swimming with you, cos’ I know with you there, I’d never drown.
Oct. 31st 2009
Happy Halloween! Trick or Treat! I’m your trick. But I got a treat for you. You like Tootsie Rolls?
Nov. 2nd 2009
Tiger: Sent: 11: 18 P.M.
I know you said you want me to “Treat you like a whore.” It would help if you worked as a correspondent for MSNBC.
Nov. 26th 2009
Tiger: Sent: 10:56 A.M.
Having Thanksgiving Dinner at around 3PM, and one of the things I’m most thankful for is that Elin has no idea I’m having sex with you.