Monday: Guam is Not Sinking, But Obama Might Be...

• Motorsport: New roller-coaster debuts at Kings Dominion park near Richmond, Va.  State-of-the-art “Intimidator” honors the late NASCAR legend, Dale Earnhardt.  Fans suggest Junior might want to climb aboard, ride in coaster’s first car, as the only way, evidently, that he’s going to be able to cross a finish line in the lead.
• Hank Johnson, D-Ga., who famously worried during a House Armed Services Committee hearing last week that Guam might become overpopulated and capsize, says remark was “metaphorical”…“just a joke.”  Source explains he also had been reading “The Poseidon Adventure” as hearing reference material.  Hank now reportedly being considered as possible host of new TV game show, “Are You as Smart as a 2nd Term Congressman?”
• Good news! Ali Sibat gets to keep his head!  …For now.  Lebanese  “call-in show” host, sentenced to beheading by Saudi Islamic Court, had weekend date with scimitar guy postponed.  Sibat got snatched by Saudi religious police while visiting country for an Islamic pilgrimage…due to the nature of his show back home in Lebanon; talk, advice and predictions.  That’s “sorcery,” pal.  Off with your head!  Harsh, but effective format-change enforcement.
• When he said, “Tone it down,” unlikely President Obama was referring to his approval rating.  But that’s what he got.  Mr. Obama, who directed the comment at critics of healthcare reform last week, subsequently saw approval rating in CBS poll hit new low over the weekend; 44%.  If you’re Barack Obama and you lose CBS…you’ve lost the ballgame. 
• What a darling child!  Photograph of baby-faced teenager who blew herself up in the Moscow subway system attack, killing dozens, shows burqa-bound charmer with husband’s arm around her, a fat handgun in his fist…as “bomber-to-be” holds a slightly smaller, more “womanly” pistol aloft.  It’s good to have goals.
• Turk sets land speed record in Ferrari F430.  Yes…and?  He’s blind.  Turkish pop-singer Metin Senturk became the world’s fastest “unaccompanied blind driver” over the weekend piloting Ferrari to just over 182 mph.  Guy followed him at a closed airport radioing, “Left! Right! Left, for godssake!” etc.  Senturk broke previous Guinness “blind driver” speed record of 176 mph.  Headline here…that there was any “ blind driver speed record” to break!
• “Beyond the Cleavage”… but not the hairpiece?  Raquel Welch, at New York Barnes and Noble promoting autobiography, “Beyond the Cleavage,” gets, well, “busted.”  Too close up of a “close up” revealed the still stunning actress has a weave thing goin’ on…and book cover photograph must’ve been airbrushed at a Maaco facility.  “Can’t a girl have a couple of secrets?”  Yes.  But not a matron.
• Job opening for somebody, anybody, who can read a freakin’ thermometer.  NASA’s global temperature data described by senior fellow at Competitive Enterprise Institute as “worse than the ‘climate-gate’ data” from the scandalized University of East Anglia Climatic Research Unit.  Neither NASA nor NOAA responded to requests for comment…possibly because of inability to operate a phone.