Tuesday: There Are Lots of Crazy People Out There...Except One Genius at KFC

• Afghan President Hamid Krazee:   Caped leader with the goofy hat sounds as though he’s been smoking his brother’s dope crop: endears himself to NATO, America, by cozying up to Iran and China…whines that U.N. tried to stack presidential election against him, accuses U.S. of interfering in Afghanistan’s internal affairs and caps everything off by threatening to join the Taliban if he gets any more criticism. Now remind us again, why are we over there?
• When you know for sure you really, absolutely, have had enough. 52-year-old Paul John Sos of San Diego, just released from the hospital for treatment of severe intoxication, busted for stealing an ambulance from the hospital’s parking lot.  Cops tracked him down through the vehicle’s GPS…suggest Mr. Sos might benefit from further treatment.
• To the surprise of absolutely nobody – President Barack Obama’s ceremonial “first pitch” at National’s game goes “high” and “far left.”
• Sanctions that bite?   Bite what, exactly?  U.N. looking at new “asset freezes” as it weighs another round of sanctions on Iran.  Iranian money “frozen” to date, however, as west ratchets up the pressure…43-million dollars.  Perspective? $43-million is, roughly, a quarter of what Iran earns in oil revenue in a single day…or half what Oracle CEO Larry Ellison got in his compensation package last year.  No wonder Ahmadinejad’s always amused.
• On this rock…   San Antonio woman finds St. Peter on a chunk of agate.  Says the saint’s facial image in silicate’s striping is absolutely clear and “significant.”  Goes on to quote Bible passages about stones and houses of Israel and gates of Hell and so on and so on, to back up her claim.  Somebody say, amen.  Somebody say, eBay.
• Dude, this is your captainnnzzzzz...  Pilots taking Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Lexapro – good to go.  FAA drops decades-old ban on antidepressants in the cockpit. Says risks from side effects, like food falling out of your mouth, drooling on flap position indicator, don’t pose a safety threat.  Food’s crummy anyway.
• On second thought, perhaps there was a better way:  Devastated by news that his girlfriend was dumping him and would marry another man, 19-year-old Indonesian chopped off his penis.  It gets worse.  He threw it down a well. Doctors were unable to re-attach the dismembered member because no one could find it.  The take away?  Pause, think, consider before severing one’s penis. Or at least before “disposal” in well.  Ponderous.
• Finally and at long last, the planet’s most perfect food item!  Coming April 12th to a KFC near you, the “Double Down” sandwich.  Components?  Bacon and cheese “sandwiched” between two pieces of fried chicken rather than some archaic bun.  Sound good?  You bet.  Especially to your local mortician and Society of Thoracic Surgeons chapter.