Tuesday's "News" Headlines

• “Attention State Department Shoppers:  Fine Crystal Stemware for only $5.4-million.”  Buy American?  Nope.  Fat contract for ultra fancy stemware for American embassies goes to Swedish glassmaker Orrefors/Kosta Boda.  Rather than, say, Steuben Crystal of New York that is in Secretary of State – and former NY Senator – Hillary Clinton’s back yard. Stimulus? Not so much.
• John Edwards consort, Rielle Hunter, nominated for Nobel “Piece” Prize:  Bottle blond considered a shoo-in for award after GQ Magazine interview in which she revealed that she and John hit the sack together the very night they met and after she’d cooed to him…“You’re so hot.”  GQ issue comes with convenient foil-wrapped hand sanitizer attached for readers who can actually finish interview.
• Lockerbie Bomber Refuses to Die:  Abdelbaset Ali al-Megrahi, who was released from Scottish prison on compassionate grounds because he was sick and supposedly about to go toes up…is not only livin’ the dream in Libya – but could stick around for years according to docs treating him.   Any chance he might be encouraged to become a suicide-bomber?  By himself?  Out in the middle of the Libyan desert somewhere?  Just a thought.
• FAA Urges $787,500 in Fines for American Airlines.”  For such niggling little items as flying an MD-82 despite loose screws and missing nut plate. Failing to follow an inspection directive on rudder components of 757s. And permitting an aircraft to fly despite a problem with its central “air data” computer.  Stuff like that.  American says, “Safety is fundamental to our success.”  And so, a critic might suggest, is luck.  Include duct tape in your carry-on.
• “What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas.”   Unless it’s your job.  Gambling capital’s unemployment rate has surged to 13.1 percent – an all time high.  Couple of more negative cracks by the current president of the United States about avoiding Sin City and they can turn the Bellagio into a really ostentatious 30-story morgue.
• Intervention, maybe?  Police say Jason Botos showed up for sentencing on a DWI in Papillion, Nebraska so hammered that he fell out of his dad’s car, couldn’t walk on his own, had to be helped inside, and then couldn’t make his court appearance. Breath test…five times the legal limit. They’ll try to get him to court again today on the DWI and the new charge of “failure to appear” as a consequence of having shown up “self-embalmed.”
• “Yes, Our Priorities are in Order.”  New Hampshire House of Representatives opens debate this week on the crucial question of whether Granite State’s official drink should be cider or milk. According to analysis by Nashua Telegraph, state’s budget deficit could hit $306-million. Perhaps strychnine would be a better choice. Can’t “Live Free,” so, “Die.”