Imus Rattles Paul Begala's Nerves, then Gets on Them

Paul Begala wondered if, on Deirdre’s birthday, her husband would allow her to sleep in, or at the very least bring her breakfast in bed. “We never sleep in at the Ranch,” Imus informed his unsuspecting guest, who was about to take a beating on an unrelated matter.
 
“Next time you talk to your fat friend Bill Clinton,” Imus said to Begala, a former advisor in the Clinton White House, “Ask that fat bastard where’s the hundreds of millions of dollars they raised for the people in Haiti?”
 
Disturbed by the number of people still living in shacks more than 18 months after a devastating earthquake rocked the region, Imus demanded answers. Too bad all Begala had were excuses.
 
“This is a guy who has been killing himself for that country,” Begala said of Bubba. “They’ve raised $54 million, and it’s all completely transparent. It’s a well-known nonprofit. He doesn’t get a nickel out of it, and neither does President Bush.”
 
Begala added, “The two of them are just trying to help the poorest country in the hemisphere, and they haven’t turned it around after 300 years of poverty—that’s your bitch this morning?”
 
Not impressed, Imus redirected his complaint toward Begala’s crummy, defensive attitude, “which is very revealing.” Undeterred, Begala insisted Clinton and Bush are saving lives with their charity work, unlike Imus, who is “profiting off the free labor of sick children” at the Imus Ranch.
 
The primary focus of the work the two former Presidents are doing in Haiti is microfinance, Begala explained. “Instead of just handing aid out, what they’re trying to do is build up some institutions, particularly businesses, particularly women-run small businesses,” he said. “Microfinance is the way of philanthropy, and the way of development now.”
 
All Imus could focus on, however, were the shacks, and why people are still living in them when so much money has been poured into the country. “Hang the phone up,” he told his guest. “And get your ass down there now.”
 
Instead, Begala suggested Imus haul his own “skinny ass” down to Haiti with Clinton. “I’m glad you’re not here,” Imus said. “I’d put a Texas ass-whooping on you.”
 
With just a minute or so left, Imus prompted Begala to tell him what a wonderful job birthday boy President Obama has done recently. “It’s not a great week for him,” said Begala, who was unimpressed by the debt ceiling deal. “We have a jobs crisis as well as a debt crisis, and the debt crisis has now been placed squarely on the middle class and the poor.”
 
Encouraged by Imus to announce his support in 2012 for Mitt Romney, Begala laughed. “This thing between you and Mitt Romney is going to last about five minutes,” he told the front-running host of this show, who undoubtedly will pledge allegiance to Rep. Michele Bachmann if she wins the Iowa straw poll on August 13.
 
-Julie Kanfer