Chris Wallace and Imus Bicker, Call Each Other Names (Yes, They are Grown Men)

Hoping to start off on the right foot, Imus welcomed Chris Wallace, the host of Fox News Sunday, back from vacation. “I wasn’t on vacation,” Wallace replied. “I was the father of the bride.”
 
The proud papa elaborated on the details of Megan Wallace’s marraige to a Mexican artist named Miguel Calderon, which took place in Mexico City, then wondered if Imus found marrying off a daughter to be “one of the great emotional experiences” of his life.
 
“Yes,” Imus said. “Particularly when you spend, in some cases, a couple-hundred thousand dollars, and they get divorced. Which they both did.”
 
Feeling warm and fuzzy after that anecdote, Wallace extolled the virtues of his new son-in-law, who paints, directs, and does other creative activities. When he was finally done, Imus innocently asked, “What’s new with you?”
 
Confused, Wallace replied, “Well, I was down in Mexico City this weekend, and I married off my daughter. Or do you have short-term memory problems?”
 
Imus cautioned his guest (or “triple-chinned bozo,” as he more accurately described Wallace) to detail what else was on his mind, which, as it turns out, is the economy.
 
“We got all of this debt stuff done, and it didn’t fix any of the problems, and the stock market isn’t happy, and we’ve still got a big economic headache,” Wallace said. “We’re going to see what the numbers are, but I can’t imagine they’re going to be too good tomorrow for unemployment in July.”
 
The normal activities of a government trying to jump-start an economy, he explained, would be to extend unemployment benefits, or to extend the payroll tax exemption currently in place. Both debt-inducing programs are about to run out and, given the attitude in Washington, Wallace isn’t so sure they’ll be renewed.
 
“You wonder, is this economy just on its own?” he said. “Some people would say that’s the best thing you can do—just shrink the size of government, do something about the debt, and get out of the way and let business work.”
 
Even more unsettling is that nobody knows what the newly created “super-committee” on the deficit will come up with by year’s end. “Are they going to raise taxes?” Wallace said. “Are they going to cut other spending?”
 
Since Imus had no answers, he noted that today is President Obama’s 50^th birthday, leading Wallace to ask, “When was the first time you had a President who was younger than you are…was it Polk, or was it Tyler?”
 
Not amused by the Imus-is-older-than-dirt joke, the I-Man called his guest “triple-chinned moron face,” followed by “you bastard,” then apologized, but only because “Bernie made me.”
 
For a change, Wallace actually knew who would be on his program this week: Rep. Paul Ryan, “somebody from the markets” (exciting!), and Tim Pawlenty, just four days before the Republican presidential hopeful participates in “the big Fox debate” in Iowa, where, as luck would have it, Wallace will be asking some of the questions.
 
“Try to think of something interesting to ask,” Imus advised. “As opposed to what you come up with most Sunday mornings.”
 
-Julie Kanfer