Jimmy McMillan Scores a Vote, and Preaches the Rent is Too Damn High Gospel

If Imus learned anything this morning, it’s that the rent is too damn high, and Jimmy McMillan, who is running for governor of New York on the Rent is Too Damn High ticket, is going to do something about it.

McMillan, whose 19th century facial hair is probably reason enough to vote for him, made a name for himself at Monday night’s gubernatorial debate at Hofstra University, where he even outshone the normally feisty Republican Carl Paladino.

Clad in black gloves (the result of exposure to Agent Orange during the Vietnam War), McMillan told Imus that he used his “verbal judo” skills to get the other candidates to see his side. “Before Andrew Cuomo knew it, he was saying, ‘Rent is too damn high!’” McMillan boasted.

His performance at the debate secured him at least one heretofore undecided vote: the I-Man’s. “It’s a revolution,” McMillan said. “I want everybody to get involved.”

He promised to “fight for the people all across this country going through the high rent crisis.” To Imus’s point that, as Governor, McMillan would likely have to deal with issues besides rent, McMillan replied, “My plan is to declare an economic state of emergency.”

As such, he would, for example, cut restaurant owners’ rent in half, allowing them to hire more workers. “I can create three to six million jobs instantly,” McMillan said. Along those same lines, he told Imus he would also cut property taxes in half.

Interestingly, McMillan has come up with a dental plan for New Yorkers, many of whom, he said, “haven’t had their teeth fixed in so long, I see so many snaggletooth people running around.”

Imus suggested that for his next run for public office, McMillan run on the snaggletooth ticket; or, as McMillan summed it up, “Your mouth is too damn bald!”

McMillan is married, and his position on gay marriage is, “Get out of my life. Who are you to tell me who I should love and who I can’t? You may not like my lifestyle; I don’t like yours.”

He brushed off accusations that he blamed high rents on the Jews while running for Mayor of New York City in 2009. “Someone just likes to make up a story,” he said, adding, “You just let it go, move on. They distract from the issue. The issue is you can’t pay your rent.”

Then, in a truly spiritual moment, McMillan instructed everyone in the studio how to properly pronounce the name of his Party. “Rent is too—take a deep breath—damn high,” he said, much to the delight of Imus and Charles, who both eagerly joined in, sounding and looking about as ridiculous as McMillan. But isn’t that the point?

-Julie Kanfer