Blonde on Blonde: Learn About Global Warming, Sexual Partners, and Who Hates Imus

During today’s installment of Blonde on Blonde, Lis Wiehl, an attorney and Fox News legal analyst, explained to Imus why a Tennessee group trying to stop the construction of a mosque is wrong to claim Islam is not a religion.

“The judge can take judicial notice—i.e., the sun is shining, the Imus show is the best show on Fox Business—of obvious things,” Lis explained. Islam’s classification as a religion would be one of those “obvious things,” in this case.

As for whether the radical tendencies of some Muslims are inherent in Islam, Lis said, “I think it’s a mindset,” and noted that these Muslims in Tennessee have given no indication of wanting to do anything besides peaceably worship.

Deirdre Imus observed that just like in the Catholic faith, where for so long priests were unwilling to call out colleagues who were abusing innocent children, moderate Muslims are often loathe to come down hard on their radical counterparts.

Having gone a few minutes without talking about himself, Imus interjected to ask Lis if, when she appears on The O’Reilly Factor, she is allowed to promote Blonde on Blonde, now that O’Reilly and Imus are buds again.

“He never mentions that Hannity is coming up,” Imus said of O’Reilly. “I suspect they hate each other.”

He further speculated that both men hate Glenn Beck, but Bernard hit the nail on the head when he told Imus, “And everybody hates you.”

An article yesterday on FoxNews.com speculated that both men and women regularly lie about the number of sexual partners they’ve had. Though Deirdre believes this is an important conversation for every couple to have, it’s unlikely she received a truthful—or accurate—number from her husband, who she said was “all coked up back then” and couldn’t remember.

“I just assumed there hadn’t been that many with you,” he shot back. “Because you’d just gotten out of high school when I met you.”

The real question for Deirdre, according to Bernard, is, “How many since you got married?”

Everyone agreed that men exaggerate their number, while women tend to underreport theirs. Regardless, it’s likely a subject of much discord amongst couples. “If you don’t fight and you don’t argue with your partner, then something’s wrong,” Deirdre said.

Something’s definitely wrong with the climate, and both Deirdre and Lis insisted global warming is real, and really happening. As proof, Deirdre pointed to the acidification of the oceans; the bleaching of coral reefs; and rampant deforestation.

Once again chiming in as the voice of reason, Bernard said, “I just want to know why it’s so chilly in your bedroom.”

-Julie Kanfer