Imus Unfamiliar With Term "I Just Couldn't Be Better"

Esteemed newsman Bob Schieffer, host of Face The Nation on CBS, replied to the question “How are you today?” in a manner unfamiliar to Imus.

“I just couldn’t be better, “ Schieffer said boldly.

To which Imus replied, “What the hell does that mean? Of course you could be better! I just can’t imagine saying that to somebody!”

Schieffer relented a bit, providing that at his age—72—he’s “just happy to be here.”

“When you’re my age, everyday is a great day,” he said. “I wake up in the morning, check out that obit page, don’t find myself listed there, and I go on and finish the day!”

Imus confessed that he was actually doing “fairly well,” and making “tremendous progress” treating his prostate cancer holistically. Schieffer praised Imus for taking charge of his disease.

“Nobody is more interested in it than you are, because it’s yours,” said Schieffer. “Keep yourself alive, and who knows? Tomorrow they might find the miracle cure!”

In the three months since his diagnosis, Imus’s PSA has gone down nearly two points, and another indicator of prostate cancer called a PCA3 urine test has gone down drastically. Schieffer, in his excitement, cut Imus off, which didn’t go over well.

“Maybe you could let me finish my sentence, Bob!” said Imus. At least the holistic approach to treating his cancer hasn’t shortened Imus’s patience, Schieffer noted.

President Obama will make a highly anticipated speech to the Arab world tomorrow from Cairo, in which Schieffer insisted, despite claims to the contrary, there would be no apology.

“I think he understands that the Arab world is looking for respect, and that’s fine—that’s what all people are looking for,” said Schieffer, adding that Obama will instead “appeal” to the Arab people to work with the United States and others.

Schieffer picked up on some points from Tom Friedman’s “wonderful” column in today’s New York Times. “Here’s a man who has gone to Cairo to make this speech; he thinks it’s that important,” said Schieffer. “He has the name ‘Barack Obama,’ he has Muslims in his family, he looks like the people he’ll be talking to, and I think those factors alone will have a huge impact.”

Almost as noteworthy and historic is Imus’s contrition to his guest. “Please accept my sincere apologies for snapping at you,” he told Schieffer. “I lost my temper.”

Laughing, Schieffer explained that he’s had “professionals” on his case for a long, long time. “I think I can get past that one!” he said.

-Julie Kanfer