Senator Orrin "Hilarious" Hatch Is Not Optimistic About Health Care Reform

Armed with an arsenal of material, Utah Senator Orrin Hatch told Imus he was eager to see the fallout in Washington, DC, of the House of Representatives narrowly passing a health care bill over the weekend.

"They're going to have a heck of a time passing that kind of a bill in the Senate," said Hatch, a Republican. "One big joke in Washington is that if the government ends up running health care it will be just like the U.S. Postal Service: there will be long waiting periods, care would be expensive, and no babies would be delivered without adequate postage."

There are six Republican health care bills floating around the Senate, but with just 40 Republicans Senators, none have a chance of passing. Bringing them into the mix too soon, Hatch said, "means you lose whatever possible swatch you can get."

The Senate as a whole has three different versions of a health care bill that have cleared committee (is this confusing enough yet?): a "totally partisan" one from the Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee; a Finance Committee bill passed down partisan lines, with the exception of Maine Republican Senator Olympia Snowe; and a version that Majority Leader Harry Reid is working on largely in private.

Hatch said Reid is being so secretive because he wants to the Congressional Budget Office to first tell him how much it's all going to cost. Regardless, Reid will have a rough time passing his — or any — version of a health care bill.

"They're insisting on having this government plan in the bill," said Hatch. "Anybody who thinks the government can do health care better than the private sector just hasn't really lived in the real world."

In the end, the Democrats in the House and Senate will reconcile their two bills, should something ultimately pass in the Senate. But that's easier said than done.

"Reconciliation has never been used for a substantive bill of this kind," he said, and balked at the sheer size of the 1,902 pages-thick House bill. "You can imagine what a big mess this is going to be."

After some prodding by Imus, Hatch agreed to read the entire bill, and then cracked some jokes. "I'm not an ear doctor, but I think the President must be tone deaf if he thinks the American people are anxious to put governments and bureaucrats between them and their doctors," he said, adding, "I'm not a psychiatrist either, but I could be crazy!"

Speaking of crazy, Hatch does not think the term terrorism should apply to last week's shooting at Fort Drum just because the perpetrator, an Army psychiatrist, is Muslim.

"I don't think all Islamic people in this country should be tarred by one guy who goes off the rails," said Hatch. "You can't put everybody in that category just because one guy goes nuts." Before signing off, Hatch finished off his comedy routine: "This health care bill is making me sick to my stomach!"

-Julie Kanfer