Tony Madoff?

Tony Madoff?? Tony f***ng Madoff? Are you nuts? Have you lost your mind? It’s time for the dog track Imus. No note. They can drop you off at the nearest home so that you could mumble along with the other nuts. I run a totally respectable and legitimate pool; strictly for entertainment purposes of course. You are besmirching my reputation and character because I’m a nice guy.

I know you don’t remember, but you assigned Warner Wolf and me to run the pool. Warner felt that it would be fun to draw the sixty-four tournament teams out of a hat, so that everyone would have an equal opportunity to win. Sure, that’s crazy, but never let it be said that Tony Powell is not a friend to the little people. What can I say? I have a soft spot for sports midgets.

So we set it up. Sixteen people would draw a tournament team from a hat four times giving them a team from each region of the tournament. Thusly, you would have a rooting interest in these four random teams as opposed to filling out traditional tournament brackets—a basketball raffle, if you will.  In doing the tournament this way, basketball knowledge was not required; any moron could win, because it was merely the luck of the draw.

Any moron except Imus. The I-Man was allowed to make his pick during each round at a time he selected. He could’ve gone first, second, last, next to last, whenever he chose. It was in his hands. We let him do it that way because he’s a big baby. This fool managed to select four #16 seeds. Most people couldn’t do that if they tried. The man who hit the lottery in life crapped out! Bernard actually had some of the best picks. Not one complaint on the draw when he thought he could win. Warner, whose idea it was, had lousy picks like Imus. Not one complaint. The last time I heard this much whining, Jeeeeeeesus was catering a wedding. 

Who won the tournament you ask? Basketball novice Gema Moreno, who knew absolutely nothing about basketball. The tourney premise worked. Last year we did brackets. No Imus no problem.  Imus, I wouldn’t let you in my pool if Mother Teresa was holding the money. In fact, if you managed to sneak in my pool I would have it drained and refilled.