From the Green Room: Paula Deen's BP Shrimp & Oyster Casserole

Hey y’all!

Everybody’s talking about this horrible oil spill and what it’s gonna do to the Gulf Coast seafood industry, but I’ve got the answer for you: my Creole Crude Shrimp and Oyster Casserole. Cause my Grandaddy used to always say: “When life gives you lemons… make yourself some shellfish.”

• Take two pounds of Jumbo Gulf Shrimps, heads and tails on, ‘cause that’s where all the flavor is.  EVERYTHING tastes better with a shrimp head in it.  It’s the first ingredient in my Chocolate Mousse recipe.  
• Take them shrimp and marinate ‘em overnight in a five gallon bucket of high test gasoline.  You may be temped to use regular, but you want to get as much octane on them babies as you can, for a reason that will be revealed to you in just a minute.  
• Then take five dozen Apalachicola oysters, shuck them puppies, and sauté them in a pan with four pounds of butter and some two stroke engine oil—make sure it’s the petroleum, not the synthetic kind, because this is an all natural dish.
• important ingredientStick your oyster shells in the food processor, and run them through until the blades bend and eventually shear off.  You should have about two cups of what will look like a coarse cracker meal, except it’s oyster shells.
• Take your sautéed oysters, dredge them in those crushed shells, and line them up on the bottom of a 9-inch glass pie plate that you’ve already spray treated with some WD-40.
• Then, in a nonstick pot, melt four jars of chunky peanut butter, half a cup of bittersweet chocolate chips, a dozen macerated chicken bones and some STP fuel injector cleaner.
• Bring it up to a slow boil, pour it over your oysters, throw your unleaded fuel-marinated shrimp on top.
• Now, take a bic lighter, and flambé that sucker!  Stand back, or you’ll singe off your eyebrows, and your face will wind up looking like a catfish butt. I’m gonna bring this dish to the CEOS of BP and force them sumbitches to eat every bite.

Bon Appetit, ya bastards!