From the Green Room: Acting Rules

Newsweek writer Ramin Setoodeh opened up a can of fabulously appointed worms suggesting that heterosexual actors could play gay, but homosexual actors are never convincing playing straight. Mr. Setoodeh is obviously wrong.  Rock Hudson was able to maintain his rugged, painfully handsome image so effectively even Doris Day had no idea that he probably would have preferred to be romancing Morris Day. 

But there are many other situations where actors are not successful in carrying off their characterizations. Witness Al Pacino in “Scarface,” for example. Al, a straight man (as in “heterosexual,” and not “Bud Abbott”), was quite convincing as the gay bank robber Sonny in “Dog Day Afternoon”; however, as Tony Montana, he sported a Cuban accent that made Jose Jimenez and The Frito Bandido look like Latin Linguists by comparison.  Such lines of dialogue as “Manolo, choot that piece o’ chit,” and “Say hello to my leetle fren’,” didn’t do much to maintain the dramatic tension, his reputation as one of America’s greatest living thespians, or a less than affectionate relationship with the Central American Defamation League.  Leave the dialects to Meryl Streep, okay, pal?   

John Travolta, Stockard Channing and Olivia Newton-John were all in their mid thirties when they played High School teenagers in ‘Grease’, and yet it was one of the biggest box office successes of all time.  And though he was the benefit of some brilliant makeup to help create the illusion, Tim Roth, a British non-ape, was able to play a chimp in the remake of “Planet of the Apes.”  He could have gone into any monkey house in any zoo in any state of the Union, and he could have easily passed.

However, Jennifer Lopez, in “Gigli,” plays a lesbian woman. That she was not convincing in this role has little to do with the Setoodeh Gay/Straight Acting Paradigm than it does with the fact that she’s the single worst actress in the history of civilization.  Even playing a hot, big bootied, wise cracking, borricua lass, she’s somehow not all that believable. With J-Lo, I have found that the more attractive she is on film, the worse the acting job she provides. 

In “Gigli,” Ms. Lopez is absolutely freakin’ gorgeous.