From the Green Room: Win A Day With Bubba!
So Bill Clinton is raffling himself off. No, that’s not another euphemism for “spanking the monkey;” he’s holding some kind of Bubba Lotto to raise money to help pay for his wife’s campaign debts. “Win – A – Day – With – Bill.” For five dollars, you could get the chance to hang out with the former president for the day. I suppose second prize is a week with Hilary.
It seems somewhat undignified to have a former president pimp himself out. And then you realize…it’s Bill Clinton. He’s already been there, done that. When you’ve hidden out in the Oval Office, and used a 21-year old intern as a humidor, you’ve pretty much abdicated your right to claim a wholesome image.
One wonders what will be included in this “Win – A – Day” contest? How will you and Bubba spend your time together? What does that itinerary look like?
9 AM: Breakfast at the Chappaqua Café. Hit on waitress.
10 AM: Begin Limo ride to office in Harlem.
10:17 AM: Don’t hit on chick at tollbooth on Henry Hudson
10:23 AM: Have sex with chick in tollbooth on Henry Hudson
10:24 AM: Finish having sex with chick in tollbooth on Henry Hudson. Continue trip to office in Harlem.
10: 49 AM: Arrive at Parking Lot
10: 51 AM: Have sex with parking lot attendant.
10: 53 AM: Finish having sex with parking lot attendant.
11:01 AM: Arrive at office.
11: 02 AM: Make prank phone call to Kenneth Starr. “Do you have Prince Albert in the can? Barney Frank does.”
11:05 AM: Leave for lunch at Sylvia’s.
11:30 AM: Arrive at Sylvia’s. Order entire left side of menu.
11:35:01 AM: Hit on, then have sex with waitress.
11:35:09 AM: Finish having sex with waitress. Leave DNA sample on tablecloth.
2:17 PM: Finish lunch at Sylvia’s.
2:23 PM: Return to office.
2:25 PM: Make prank phone call to Newt Gingrich. “Did you know Rush Limbaugh’s doing your Mama?”
2:31 PM: Leave office for Happy Hour at Blarney Stone.
2: 37 PM: Arrive at Blarney Stone. Chug four beers and six shots of Bushmill’s.
2:38 PM: Hit on Bartender.
2:42 PM: Attempt to have sex with bartender.
2:45 PM: Realize bartender is actually a man.
2:50 PM: Have sex with bartender anyway.
2:51 PM: Head for home.
3:27 PM: Arrive home. Realize Hillary is there.
3:28 PM: Head back to Sylvia’s.