From the Green Room: Bulging Disks

Just when you thought the media’s obsession with Tiger Woods’ had waned…along comes a statement from the man himself, in which he says he decided to “pull out” of The Players Championship in Florida.  The reason? He has a “bulging disk” in his back.  In reporting this breaking news, the female anchor of the Golf Channel, Win McMurry, in a classic Freudian slip, said a word which is extremely similar to “disk,” but has, in fact, an entirely different meaning.  A few meanings, actually. Among them, an epithet for “penis,” not to mention a pejorative for an extremely unpleasant person, as in, “Tiger Woods has a bulging d*#k…Jesus, what a d*#k!”  I suppose the word “bulging” was what threw her off.  Because the bulge in his pants, and not his back, is what got him into trouble in the first place. 

actual ball washerThe double entendres have been flying ever since it was revealed that not all of Woods’s woods were in his golf bag.  Seemingly innocent golf terms, like “putter,” “stroke,” “ball washer,” and “hole in one” have been used, ad nauseum, in association with the many skanky broads upon whose nether greens Tiger was “teeing off.”  Even the horn dogs at the New York Post couldn’t help themselves. Their front page headline photo was of Tiger holding a microphone in his lap with a caption that read:  “Hey Tiger, is That a Mike, or Are You Just Happy to See Us?” 

Everybody loves a good d*#k joke.  I’ve actually made a career out of them.  Whether we like it or not, when the headlines center around matters of the crotch, men immediately become 11-year-olds again.  Even at my advanced age, I can’t control the paroxysms of unrestrained giggles every time I hear someone refer to a cockfight.

I guess Tiger is lucky in that, unlike Lawrence Taylor, his sexual escapades aren’t going to end with an incarceration and a cellmate named “Tiny,” who will be more than willing to put his bulging disk in his back.