From the Green Room: The Double Down
After over forty years of actively trying to figure out the meaning of life, pursuing the vast eternal plan, what my special purpose is, I have finally found the elusive answer.
It’s called The Double Down.
It’s the newest creation of the Jesus of the Culinary Arts, Colonel Sanders. KFC has announced that next Monday, April 12th, they will offer a sandwich comprised of two slices of Monterey jack cheese, two slices of crisp bacon, and the Colonel’s Special Sauce. But instead of a bun, the traditional delivery system that has been the staple of the sandwich for hundreds of years, this one comes sans bread, and is served between TWO boneless, fried chicken breasts.
I have seen the face of God.
This is the single greatest thing to happen to modern man since the Salk vaccine. There are no words to describe the genius behind this particular invention. It is available in two versions, original and grilled. The non-fried version has 80 fewer calories and 9 fewer grams of fat, but 50 more milligrams of sodium, topping the chart at 1420. Why worry about the water retention and blood pressure increase from eating so much salt, or the risk of bursting a blood vessel and having my legs swell up to the size of Doric columns? I’ll settle for The Double Down the way the Colonel envisioned it: piping hot from the deep fryer, accompanied by a coronary stent.
I’m just a little nervous about what could be in the Colonel’s Special Sauce.
I think I’m probably better off not knowing. Where ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.