From the Green Room: Bo Dietlese

Bo Dietl is my all-time favorite guest.  Aside from the fact that he’s the ultimate, living incarnation of a Damon Runyon character, he’s about the most colorful human on the planet.  And by colorful, I don’t mean the shade of orange his complexion takes from time to time, a hue not found in nature that he is wont to rock, even during the winter. By colorful, I mean his personality.  Bo is nothing if not passionate about his favorite subjects, so much so that his face turns bright crimson and blood vessels pop so fiercely you'd swear their rupture would coat the studio in blood.

But the best part about Bo is his “Bo-Speak,” the lexicon so prolific that Rosetta Stone is very close to creating another language program to help the average American become fluent in it.  Herewith are some fundamental components of “Dietlese” in an effort to help you to better enjoy the experience of Bo’s appearances on the Imus in the Morning Program.

1: Idioms are plentiful. “Take the Pipe” means someone has passed away, either prematurely, or in an unnatural manner.  As in:  “Michael Jackson took the pipe…but not the way he normally liked to.” 

2: Bo Knows…Everybody. Whether in the worlds of politics, corporate America, show business celebrities…they are all very dear, close friends. When speaking Dietlese,  try to drop as many names as humanly possible in normal conversation:  “So I was up at Rao’s having dinner with Warren Buffet, Robert DeNiro and Mike Huckabee.  None of them make a move without me.”

3: The Suffix ‘ation.’   In English, used to describe an action or process, the result of an action or process, or a state of being.  In Dietlese, it’s used for pretty much everything, noun, verb or adjective. (ie: The English sentence, “The lesbian couple engaged in an intimate moment” in Dietlese would be “The Lesbianics got into a munchatation situation.”  In English, “The gentleman was scammed out of two hundred thousand dollars.”   In the plu-perfect Dietl:  “That moron was hose-atated for two hundred large.” 

4: Refer to Everyone as ‘Bo.' Whether President of a European nation,  Rhodes Scholar, Mensa Member, Nobel or Pulitzer Prize Winner or Holy Man, everybody is Bo.  “That Brainiac in the Wheel Chair, Bo Hawkings,”  “My man Pope Bo Benedict,” and “That Frog with the hot babe-atation for an old lady, Bo Sarkozy.”

5: Cultural References: Foreign Nationals are addressed with an onomatopoetic term approximating how their native tongue sounds to the “Bo Ear.”  For instance, when Bo speaks of the Leader of Saudi Arabia, Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz Bin Abdulrahman Bin Faisal Bin Turki Bin Abdullah Bin Mohammed Bin Saud, he refers to him as King
“Abba Dabba Doo.”

6: Always Remember –Speaking like Bo, no matter how proficient you become in Dietlese, does not, nor will it ever, make you Bo.  Because he is one of a kind.  Every night, before you go to bed, thank God for his existence on the planet.  Should you be unsuccessful in contacting God, however, just call Bo. Apparently, even God doesn’t make a move without him.