From the Green Room: Archie's New Pal

“Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is not working too well in the comic book world. The folks who publish “Archie” announced that starting in September, a new character, “Kevin,” will join in the wacky hijinx at Riverdale High with Archie, Betty, Veronica and Reggie. “Kevin” is gay. 

And all this time I thought Jughead was a lesbian.

Apparently, Veronica makes a pass at Kevin, the hunky new boy at school, and is quietly, politely (and, I’m sure, also impeccably tastefully) rebuffed.  Whether he was open about it or not, that action alone indicates the dude is homosexual.  Archie and Reggie are always fighting over Veronica. She’s the spoiled, rich, raven-haired hottie. Poor Betty gets thrown over constantly for the attentions of Veronica, which never quite made sense to me because Betty is a dead ringer, blonder version of her Riverdale rival, albeit not quite as stylishly dressed. It should be noted, she also has much better “gay-dar” than Veronica.  She immediately knew Kevin was a “friend of Liza’s” at the first mention of window treatments. 

The move to include an openly gay character was in the interest of “modernizing” the brand, making the books more contemporary. No mean feat, as Archie and his pals still frequent a malt shop and go to sock hops. It was only a matter of time until their wholesome world entered the 21st century diversity-wise, but openly gay characters  have been featured in other comics for years. “Northstar”, one of the X-Men, is gay.  Among his super powers are flying, moving at superhuman speed, and singing the entire Stephen Sondheim songbook word-for-word.

It makes you want to speculate about which cartoon characters are still closeted.  Charlie Brown’s somewhat tomboy-ish friend Peppermint Patty?  She and Lucy are definitely playing doctor in Snoopy’s doghouse. Why do you think he sleeps on top?  

The secret identity thing is a virtual breeding ground for homosexuality.  Men who are, by day, ordinary citizens but like to run around at night in skin-tight, brightly-colored costumes and capes?  It’s like the Halloween Parade in Greenwich Village, except with crime-fighting.  Batman, and his “longtime companion,” the “boy wonder” Robin?  Whose secret identities are “Bruce” and “Dick?” 

Please.  I’ve read “Death in Venice.”