The Godfather - On Global Warming
Again, the Northeast is being hit with large amounts of snow. If I did not have a few plowing businesses and some minor interests in the road salt industry…I would be weary of this weather. That stunod Al Gore tells us this endless cold weather is actually a result of global warming. Science is not a subject I understand, but according to this Gore, in order to save the integrity of the ozone layer, we must all stop eating meat. Which is a practice Don Imus has already embraced, due to the fact that his wife is a organic vegetable eating nazi. She is a vegan, and so he must be a vegan, because he is il micino ha frullato. You know…whipped. It is clear which one of them in that relationship is the one who knows how to ACT LIKE A MAN! At one time, Don Imus would enjoy a hot dog…every once and awhile, a big hairy steak. But now, he eats like the gerbil he keeps in his sfintere. Unfortunately, this vegetarian lifestyle of theirs is not enough to save the environment…for scientists have discovered that the global warming is caused by the scorreggie di mucca…cow farts. And as the Imus family raises cattle on this farm of theirs in New Mexico…longhorns…and they have a considerable herd of these animals, each one weighing upwards of 2000 pounds…that’s a lot of air brownies going out into the atmosphere. Every time one of these behemoths cuts the cheese…it punches a hole in the ozone layer like a howitzer. They shoot turd biscuits like rapid machinegun fire…and every time they crack a rat they raise the earth’s temperature a half a degree. These rectum rockets could melt steel…the polar icecaps don’t stand a chance. So, as I see it, if Signora Imus is truly concerned about greening the planet, and being environmentally responsible…she has a choice. Either switch to raising catfish on this farm of theirs…or allow the Don to have a little Steak Pizzaol’ every once in awhile. Seeing as how Beano doesn’t work on the bovines anyway, let him have a piece o’ braciole… I mean, look at him, he’s an anorexic Bea Arthur in a cowboy hat…he could use the protein.