An Apology From Toyota
In the interests of Truth in the Media, we here at the Imus in the Morning program would like to share the real ‘gisted’ translation of the Akio Toyoda statement:
I am Akio Toyoda of Toyota Motor Corporation. I would first like to state that I love cars as much as anyone, but I myself, as well as Toyota, am not perfect. At times, we do find defects. In fact, just this morning, in the shower, I noticed that the big toe on my left foot is much longer than the one on my right. How weird is that? WTF! I use American texting abbreviation. Oh my God! OMG! Laugh out loud! ROR! I love America. I am most impressed with the technology you employ in your Subways. So much meat for only five dollars per footlong. How do you do it?
Anyway, I am here today to offer my humble apologies to America for my egregious failure. I was most inspired by your Tiger Woods, who proves that you do not have to be sincere in your making amends. You can just read a prepared statement, and be on your way. You do not have to fall on a katana sword like some disgraced samurai. That would not be good for me. I’m a bleeder.
I would like to point out here that Toyota's priority has traditionally been the following: First; Safety, Second; Quality, and Third; Volume. Somehow, that order got reversed. Oops. My bad. But, like my uncle Hiroshi used to say, “When life gives you small fish, you make a maki roll.” Therefore, I would like to announce the release of our new model: the seatbelt optional, 2011 Toyota ‘Suicide’. It is a real ‘Man’s Car’. Not for the faint of heart. Anybody can drive a Honda, you really have to have a pair to get behind the wheel of a Toyota.
One final thought: On this 60th Anniversary of Iwo Jima, in the spirit of ‘Bygones be Bygones’, I am just curious…what are the chances Toyota could receive one of your famous ‘bailouts’? Just checking. I mean, ‘Can’t we all just get along?’