August 6: National Night Out, No Good; Illegal Lemonade Stands; and Mega-Earthquakes

• Man Murdered at Anti-violence Event. Not the desired effect sought by “National Night Out” community organizers in Paterson, NJ. 39-year-old Robert Godfrey, attending a block party thrown for the annual crime awareness observance, in fact “checked out” when a man he was arguing with ended the conversation by shooting Mr. Godfrey in the head. “Night Out” message may still need some refining…
• Indianapolis Hot-rodder Builds 367 MPH Bus. Yellow “regulation” school bus heavily modified to accept fighter jet engine and stresses of 367 MPH quarter-mile speed. Paul Stender says his company, Indy Boys Inc., hauls the bus around to show kids that “there’s more to life than sitting in front of computers.” Apparently not a hell of a lot, Mr. Stender, if you’re putting jet engines in school buses.  Must be a lonely existence.
• Rape Charge Maestro Ends European Tour. Famed Russian pianist Mikhail Pletnev, who conducts the Russian National Orchestra, has pulled out – sorry – has “canceled” concerts planned for London and Edinburgh after being charged with sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy in Thailand.  Mr. Pletnev says he needs time to deal with the allegations against him, and to adjust the symphony’s repertoire to include the much-loved classic, “Bend Over Beethoven.” 
• Hands on the counter and spread ‘em! Small business owner – in fact, about 3’6” tall – shut down by Oregon health inspectors.  Portland company doing business as “Julie Murphy’s Lemonade Stand” cited for failure to obtain a $120 temporary restaurant license. Julie’s 7.  Business located in her front yard.  “Okay, squirt, drop the lemons and slowly back away.”  First it’s lemonade, next thing you know it’s meth. Excellent job, Portland!
• Kindergarten Free-for-All Mars Graduation. Two women face charges as a result of a fight that led to a chair-slinging brawl during a Southern California kindergarten graduation ceremony. San Bernardino County investigators say argument…then chair-slinging, hair-pulling, full-metal-jacket combat between 31-year-old Queiona Burt and 29-year-old Marina Ruth Vargas got so nuts that officials had to place the school on lockdown. Both could get six-months for “unlawful acts committed on school grounds.”  Doubtless had to have been a consequence of a couple of those asinine “My Child Is Pupil-of-the-Week” at such-and-such school bumper stickers. How about slapping those bumper stickers over your mouths.
• Dick Guilty in North Carolina Indecency Case! Registered sex offender, Jerry Dick of Greensboro, pleads guilty to exposing himself to a woman sitting in a car near an elementary school.  Investigators say no children witnessed the incident, nor should they have had any opportunity to.  After an indecency conviction in 2002, Dick was required by law to notify school authorities anytime he was near a campus.  Officials say that didn’t happen in the most recent case, or some 30 other times he was “too close for comfort.”  Dick is being put away.  State prison. 16 years.
• California Budget Crisis About to be Solved? Experts say a devastating “mega-earthquake” off the coast of California is now considered twice as likely as previously predicted…and would be accompanied by a massive tsunami.  Entire population centers could slide into ocean…totally eliminating requirements for expensive city services and dramatically reducing state’s crippling deficit.