August 19: Sex and More Sex; Barney Frank; and West Virginian Woes

• Sex Crime D.A. Charged with Sex Crime. Former Alabama assistant D.A. Steven Giardini, who specialized in prosecuting sex crimes against minors – accused of enticing a “minor” online to, well…“ride the baloney pony.”  15-year-old child turned about to be a very grown-up agent from the FBI’s Internet Crimes Against Children division…and not amused.  Giardini resigned his office after FBI agents searched his home.  Not reported what they were looking for, but probably not Mr. Giardini’s MENSA documents.
• Flip-Flop of All Time Trophy to House Financial Services Committee Chairman. Massachusetts Rep. Barney Frank, who famously declared in 2003, “Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are not facing any kind of financial crisis,” tells Fox News’ Neil Cavuto – now – that both should be “abolished.”   Anti-vertigo medications on your left. 
• Kinder, Gentler, Iran?  Lawyer representing Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani, the Iranian woman under a death sentence on a disputed adultery rap, says his client still has a chance to be spared execution by stoning.  Attorney says Tehran just might reconsider because of international outrage over the case.  Ashtiani still likely to be killed, but by more “palatable” means than a gang of unhinged Nolan Ryans chucking bricks.  “Hanging” has sort of a nice ring to it, according to Tehran’s behavior police.
• U.K. Socialized Medicine. Everything is Covered. British taxpayers picking up tab for man with “mild learning disability” to travel to Amsterdam to get laid.  Caseworker says sex is a “human right” and describes unnamed “patient” as “a frustrated virgin.”  Trip to Dutch capital’s red light district next month is being funded through government program to empower those with disabilities…that is reportedly paying for other “patients” to visit prostitutes, strip clubs and experience “exotic” holidays.  Now that’s health care!
• Explanation for West Virginia Revealed.  Study ranks Mountain State as America’s “most medicated.”  West Virginians filled more than 18 prescriptions per capita in 2009 compared to national average of eleven-point-six. State has extraordinary rates of obesity, heart disease, diabetes, meth mouth and other chronic maladies…as a result of a population living like they’d lose their trailer if they didn’t eat lard-fried hog-howls in buttered scrapple every four hours.  Okay, three hours.
• Chess Legend Paternity Case Settled. Bobby Fisher’s body was exhumed in Iceland in early July for DNA sampling.   Results “exclude” the possibility that he fathered 9-year-old Filipino child and officials say the paternity case is “settled.”  A chess master by the time he was 15, Fischer achieved international fame in 1972 when he defeated grandmaster Boris Spassky of Russia, becoming world champion.  He then went nuts, adopted the persona of locoweed and grew a long beard like he thought he was Methuselah.  He wasn’t.  He died in 2008 at age 64, fittingly, the number of squares on a chessboard.
• Obama Ponders Quitting.  44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, reported to be discussing with wife Michelle, “just getting the hell out of here.”  Might return to “community organizing” in Middle West.  Sources say Mr. Obama has told Rahm Emanuel, David Axlerod – “You geniuses handle all of this crap.  I’ve had it.”  Developing…