July 9: Some Entertainment News, and Lots of Sex

• Business News Headline:  “FCC Restarts Review of NBC Acquisition Deal.”  Federal Communications Commission announces that the agency is restarting the “review clock” on Comcast’s move to acquire control of NBC.   Sub-headline:  “Cable TV Giant Reveals Death Wish.” 
• Who Wants to be a Millionaire?  Answer, Celador Entertainment.  British production company that created inane TV quiz show wins suit against Walt Disney company and is awarded $270-million, as a matter of fact, after California jury agreed that Mouse outfit had stiffed ‘em by hiding hit program’s profits.  Celador company spokesman – with apologies to Mickey –  “Oh boy!”
• John Edwards Update.  And not what former senator wanted to hear.  Specifically, that a North Carolina judge is willing to sign an order directing Mr. Edwards to testify about a video that the would-be “leader of the free world” is widely believed to have made with Rielle Hunter…. a video whose theme is reported to be the “biological process” behind the baby John so long denied having had anything to do with…a process referred to by many names but known scientifically as “Giving a Carrot to the Bed Bunny.”
• Your Food and Drug Administration is on the case!  Watchdog group sends snoop into FDA headquarters in Washington D.C.  Spy finds, among other things, FDA’s cafeteria is vending food items that have phony health claims on their labels.  FDA.  In their own cafeteria.  You may now dine with confidence.  Your federal tax dollars are at work.
• Suffer the young male escorts to come unto me. Which is among the things police say Father Kevin Gray, 64, a former pastor of Waterbury, Connecticut’s Sacred Heart Church, did with church money.  A lot of church money.  $1.3-million scammed from the church over the course of seven years and used to pay for some very “secular” pursuits…swanky restaurants, posh hotels, Armani clothes, vacations, New York apartment and male prostitutes. Church statement says they’re praying for guidance and reconciliation for Father Gray.  Until that works, the first-degree larceny charge will just have to do.
• Bad Teeth End Negotiations for Sex.  The preceding is an actual headline.  Gainesville, Florida man went to police complaining he was robbed by a woman he intended to pay for sex, but refused when she smiled at him revealing a set of teeth that belonged in a graveyard.  When he quickly “terminated negotiations,” 25-year-old Jennifer Elder allegedly snatched his wallet and fled.  Police say it’s unlikely Dan Alford will face charges because he was the victim of a felony.  To put it mildly…
• And just one more from the Sunshine State:  “Inmate uses rubber band to bind drugs to penis.”  There.  33-year-old Jason Graham of Venice, Fl. was changing into his blue jail jumper when a deputy said he heard a “snap” as Graham pulled up his pants.  On the floor, a white object with rubber band attached.  Investigation revealed Graham had “hidden a package of pills on his person” by securing it to his penis with the aforementioned rubber band.  So, add “contraband” to previous charges against Graham – and new context for the term, “Mr. Happy.”