July 15: First Family Follies; More Mel; and Al Gore Returns...

• President holding compass upside down? First Lady Michelle Obama spreads the word at Panama City Beach, Florida that the beaches are “oil free” and “everyone should come here” on vacation.  Meantime, First family will vacation this weekend at Mount Desert Island, Maine.  Hey, they’ve got a seashore too, you know! 
• Improved News for Toyota: Government investigation blames driver error for a number of the accidents involving claims of runaway Toyota vehicles.  Data reveals many drivers were flooring the gas pedal instead of jamming on the brakes when the crashes occurred.  Report has company engineers looking at a new “fix” – reccommending Toyota owners schedule appointments at dealerships to have the words “go” and “stop” painted on their right and left feet, respectively.
• Mel…again. Third installment of  “Gibson-Freaks-Series” has Mad Max calling thoroughly ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva a “f***ing ignorant bitch” in one inspired segment and, in another, characterizing Ms. Grigorieva as a “mentally deprived idiot” – an assessment that might, at this point, strongly suggest Mr. Gibson look in a mirror.
• Congress Probing Airline Fees.  All those extra fees airline companies are tacking on everything imaginable add up to billions of dollars.  Now, the House Transportation Committee is holding hearings on possible requirements for better disclosure of all the costs consumers face. Meanwhile, airline executives say they are considering charging a fee for having to submit to the fee structure investigation.
• Manhattan jail inmate Robert Cherry accused of stealing...a thousand dollar roll of stamps and 100 dollars worth of pens from jail commissary when the officer manning the commissary window momentarily looked away.  Guards recovered the roll of stamps from an area of Mr. Cherry’s anatomy not usually associated with receipt of mail… although the feature has been known, from time to time, to serve as a “male receptacle.”  Unknown where Mr. Cherry concealed the pens.  We shudder to think.
• Australia: Eagles become the latest accessories at Melbourne area weddings…trained to majestically swoop down the aisle over the heads of astonished guests to deliver the wedding rings to the best man or groom.  Spokesman for company “Broadwings Events” says, “in ten years you won’t remember the food you ate, but you will remember if an eagle flew in.”  Especially should bird crap a load on flower girl.  That’ll make an impression.
• Climate Guru Edges back toward Spotlight.  Nobel prize winner and alleged sex offender Al Gore is scheduled to appear with Vice President Joe Biden at Tennessee Democratic Party’s Jackson Day festivities in Nashville tomorrow.  Area massage therapists placed on high alert.
• Mealtime prayers banned at Georgia Senior Center. You pray, you pay at Ed Young Senior Citizens Center near Savannah.  Act of  “returning thanks” prior to meals subsidized by federal government violates separation of church and state, say center’s food contractors who complain that their funding could be at risk.  Shove it, reply seniors who complain that their eternal souls could be at risk if they can’t pray.   Problem dumped in lap of mayor and town counsel. God silent on controversy so far…but could be subpoenaed…