June 21: Things That Disappear...John Edwards, Toilet Parts, and Body Parts

• Campbell Soup Co. Recalls 15-Million Pounds of SpaghettiOs. Can anything else go wrong??  SpaghettiOs manufactured at Paris, Texas plant are being pulled because the product didn’t get sufficient heat during cooking process.  Meatballs in formula.  Not good. Cans recalled have “use-by” date between June 2010 and December 2011.  Analysts say if purchasers do not wish to return the product to distributor, they may merely mark through the words “use-by” on the can and substitute the phrase “die-by” for purposes of consumption.
• Australian Jailed for Courtroom Bubble Gum Episode. 20-year-old Mirzana Zukanovic, up on an assault charge, got 30 days after he blew, and then loudly popped, a bubble while staring at the judge.  Additional charge:  scandalizing the court and challenging its authority.  “Spit out the gum and slowly back away.”
• Sony Establishes New Benchmark in Rewards of Being a Loser. Far-flung corporation gives chief executive Howard Stringer nearly $9-million in annual compensation despite massive corporate losses…40.8 billion yen through March 2010; 98.9 billion yen for 2009. Critic sees opportunity…makes offer:  “I could lose that much for, say, $1-million a year.  Give me a call.”
• Good News for the “Transgendered – Both Pre-Op and Post-Op: Travelers who fall into the aforementioned category need no longer show “surgical proof” in order to designate, on U.S. passports, whatever it is that they’ve chosen to become.  New rule:  Person who’s switched, or is switching, need only show a note from his/her doctor stating that they’ve either undergone, or are in the process of undergoing, the required treatments to get wherever the heck it is they’re heading.  Oh, heck.  Too confusing.  Just drop trou’…check appropriate box…get on the plane and go.   Jeezis.
• The Incredible Shrinking Trial Attorney.  Legal couriers trying to serve John Edwards with papers compelling his testimony in mistress Rielle Hunter’s lawsuit…can’t find him.  Nor can anybody else.  News accounts say former senator has become “a ghost” around the Research Triangle of North Carolina he calls – or called – home.  Thought, possibly, to be somewhere strategizing ways of fending off indictment for $1-million in campaign funds he’s alleged to have diverted to hide Hunter during her pregnancy.  “Milk carton” campaign being considered.
• First, illegal immigrants…now ‘The Squirrels.’  Arizona’s trials unending.  State has to drop $1.25-million on rescue of 250 squirrels. As with squirrels everywhere, endangered variety in Arizona keeps getting run over by cars. Mount Graham Red Squirrel will soon have “rope bridges” strung across the lone road in their habitat in the hope they’ll cross above, rather than on, the roadway…where as many as – horrors! – five of them on average become “pizza’fied” annually.  “Your Federal Stimulus Dollars at Work.”
• And you thought the I-man was a little strange? Please.  “Ottawa Authorities Announce Arrest after String of Toilet Flushing Parts Thefts.”  Ottawa police have arrested a suspect they say stole flushing mechanisms from public and private toilets all across the capital…restaurants, shopping malls, hospitals; nothing was immune.  Robert Morrisette, 51, is charged with dozens of counts of theft and property mischief.  Relieved citizenry says, “Thank God.  The Nightmare is over.”