April 22: Meaty Iranian Generals, Sassy New Currency, and Gay Softball Rules

• Boeing Dreamliner Clears Another Hurdle.  787 Dreamliner gets closer to becoming part of the nation’s commercial aircraft fleet.  Company says it has finalized the plane’s “aerodynamic configuration” and that FAA personnel will now participate in test flights…as it appears 787’s “wing attach point” issue is resolved and wings likely will remain attached to fuselage during flight.  Always an enviable “aerodynamic configuration.” Wings…
• Iran Launches Gulf War Games.  Iran’s Revolutionary Guard has opened three-day drill in Persian Gulf and Strait of Hormuz. Brigadier General Hossein Salami says operation is not intended as a threat to “friendly” countries and … hold it: General “Salami”??  The guy’s name is “Salami”??  Who’s his adjutant, General “Olive Loaf”??  CIA now trying to determine whether wacky regime is trying to build a bomb or a hoagie.
• Pope Addresses Sex Abuse Issue.  Pope Benedict XVI says he will “take action,” as he put it, on church’s sex abuse problems. Analysts hope use of the term “action” was not employed in a “wagering context,” and that Vatican is not about to exacerbate cover-up scandal by also taking bets on it.  Developing… 
• Former Little League Coach Groove’s One with Larry King’s Wife.  Ethics-challenged Hector Penate, 31, former baseball coach for Mr. And Mrs. King’s sons, says not only did he go deep with King’s wife, he did so on aging talker’s home field – right in the couple’s own sack.  How could he do such a thing? Simple. Bed was unoccupied. 
• Treasury Secretary Geithner and Federal Reserve Chairman Bernanke unveil new $100 bill. Design enhances security by making note more difficult to counterfeit. Denomination’s most noticeable new feature, engraving of Benjamin Franklin shows founding father sticking out his tongue and thumbing his nose – to reflect most American’s chances of ever actually having one.
• Both sides of the Plate, a no-no. Three Seattle bisexual men are suing a national gay-athletic organization charging they were discriminated against when they were barred from Gay Softball World Series.  Plaintiffs say North American Gay Amateur Alliance in essence deemed them “insufficiently gay” to participate.  A charge that they threw to first like girls, not considered a factor.  The men are asking for $75,000 each for “emotional distress” …and just being really upset.
• Environmentalist Group Endorses Volcanoes. Air Quality Network says Iceland’s Eyjafjallajokull volcano produced less actual “greenhouse gas” during Europe’s travel shutdown than grounded aircraft would have generated had they been operating.  Spokesman expresses hope volcanoes will occur in many more European countries to further reduce greenhouse gas hazard.  Says nothing, however, about “gasbag hazard” emanating from group’s sophomoric, unproven conclusions.