Thursday: Big Brother Ain't Watchin' on the Subway, and Was Tiger Right?

• So much for Cap and Trade.  Earth is cooked, regardless.”  Professor James Lovelock, one of the world’s most eminent climatologists, asserts humans “cannot save the planet.”  Only hope is that the earth will take care of itself in the face of what Lovelock says is “completely unpredictable climate change.” Advice?  “Enjoy life while you can.”  Tiger, apparently, had it right.
• You are not on candid camera.  Or anything else, for that matter.”  Good news?  New York City’s transit system has 4,300 security cameras monitoring stations and trains.  Less than good news?  Half of them don’t work.  Oh well, since 50% of cameras don’t work, perhaps you’ll meet crazed subway lunatic who only has one machete, rather than two.
• New Jersey Toll Booth Personnel to get Sensitivity Training.  So that they might refrain from behaviors like spitting on your change…calling you names Joe Biden wouldn’t employ…or simply telling you: “Have a Fatal Day.” All of which have been complaints lodged by motorists.  Etiquette class begins for these reprobates in May.
• Jesse Goes the Tiger Route.  Mr. Sandra Bullock, Jesse James, reported to have checked into Tucson, Arizona rehab that specializes in “drug, alcohol and sex addiction.”  Might want to add “flea infestation” given the partners with whom he has reportedly bumped uglies.
• What does the toad say!  What does the toad say!  British biologists report male “common toad” may be the answer to a long-sought predictor of earthquakes.  Found that male toads suddenly exhibited no interest in mating five days before an earthquake struck L’Aquila, Italy last April 6th.  Speculate the amphibians picked up on very low frequency electrical activity ahead of the event – or were confronted by some truly fugly toad chicks.
• Nicolas Sarkozy’s “image” issues:  French president described as “notoriously sensitive” about 5’5” frame.  Brought special, “height-enhancing” lectern with him to U.S…so that he would “look authoritative and statesman-like.”  Memo to President de la Republique of francaise:  It’s gonna take a helluva lot more than a jacked-up lectern to achieve your “desired effect."
• Budget Cuts Mean More Rats for New York City.  Dept. of Health and Hygiene slashes the number of pest control aides from 84 to 57.  Consequence, says city hall – more rodents.  Even at city hall. In addition to the familiar ones.  Sitting behind desks.  Pushing papers.  
• Fast Food not ‘Fast Enough’.  South Brunswick, NJ police trying to pick up the trail of impatient McDonald’s customer who crawled through Drive-Thru window, slapped employee, grabbed a Filet-O-Fish sandwich and then crawled back out Drive-Thru access with order.  Complained menu item was “taking too long…dammit!”