Monday's "News" Headlines

• “It’s time. Pin note to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid’s windbreaker.  Drive to dog track.”  Two recent quotes from Mr. Reid:  “December, 670,000 jobs were lost. November, more than 700,000. February, more than 700,000. So we’ve made great progress.”  Quote two:  “Today (last Friday) is a big day in America.  Only 36,000 people lost their jobs today – which is really good.”  A real shame, Harry, it wasn’t 36-thousand-and-one.
• “Spread ‘em, and uncurl that finger!”  6-year-old suspended from kindergarten for extending index finger in gun-like gesture. No, you read that right. Ionia, Michigan child suspended for making familiar “bang-bang” gesture.  School defends suspension saying Mason Jammer had been warned before, by golly, and just kept on. Next thing you know, kid’s on Delta with a crotch bomb. So, hey…“Zero tolerance is zero tolerance” dammit.
• Update:  How’s U.S. “recovery thing” going?  As three more banks belly up over the weekend – Florida, Illinois and Maryland – Congressional Budget Office reports that President Obama’s proposed 2011 budget will add almost $10-trillion to America’s current debt of $12-trillion by the year 2020.  Heck, toss a trillion dollar healthcare overhaul in there and hey… “first thing you know you’re talkin’ some real money.”  Jeezis.
• Embattled automaker Toyota – which changed name years ago from family spelling “Toyoda” to “Toyota” to simplify Japanese syllabic script – plans another spelling change to try to improve company’s troubled image.  New Toyota models will be called – Ford.
• “ ‘Father’ sang bass…”   39-year-old Nigerian who sang in Vatican choir also purportedly arranged gay sex liaisons for Italian government official. Activity was exposed in wiretaps gathered as part of an investigation into corrupt public works contracts.  Official, Angelo Balducci, served Vatican as “gentleman of his Holiness,” or, “papal usher.”  Maybe “gusher,” as context of story unfolds.
• Germany to Greece:  Get off your saggin’ backsides and produce something.  Tough talk from Deutschland press telling down-and-out Greeks that they are where they are because they’re slackers.  German newspaper Bild, in open letter to Greek prime minister, says Germany is able to resolve its debts because its people get up early and work.  “Sell some islands,” advise two German politicians…and shut up.
• “Is Our Educators Learning?”  Consider the following exact reprint:  “If you saw Sunday’s Free Press that shown Robert Bobb the emergency financial manger for Detroit Public Schools, move Mark Twain to Boynton which have three times the number seats then students and was one of the reason’s he gave for closing school to many empty seats.” Author?  Otis Mathis. Who’s Mr. Mathis?  The president of the Detroit school board.   Omigod.