The I-Man's Blog: Pelosi Out, Boehner In

BoehnerDon’t worry.  In two years we get to vote these bastards out.  Of course, not a great deal gets done in this manner, but, if you are familiar with my thinking, this is “just the way it is.” Happens every couple of years and it has happened again: We have just exchanged one set of crooks for another set of crooks.

So, Republicans make gains in the Senate and will take control of the House.  Wonderful.  The only visible change will be the absence of a woman at the Speaker’s rostrum who appears to be mummified, and the debut there of a man who appears to have been dipped in emulsified Cheez-Its. Nancy Pelosi, out; John Boehner, in. 

You thought Ms. Pelosi was a long day?  They’ll have to come up with a new method of telling time to measure Boehner’s capacity to wear you out.  And it already started with that horrifying display of blubbering the other night when Boehner was addressing his supporters at the Grand Hyatt in Washington. How many people in that room do you think were saying to themselves, as Boehner went all “Mike Schmidt” on them, “and I actually voted for this pansy?”  That was gruesome.  Talk about needing to “man up.”  Jesus.  The guy is going to be second in line for the Oval Office, for godssake…  And he’s crying?  Explain to me what message that sends to Bin Laden. 

And every last one of these new people is swearing that they won’t be joining the Washington culture club.  Incorruptible.  “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington.”  But there, waiting for “Mr. Smith,” is Trent Lott.  Washington’s answer to Don Vito Corleone. He’s already said – already – that he’s salivating at the thought of co-opting these doofusses within seconds of them landing on Capitol Hill.  How’s that work?  There’s a knock on “Aqua Buddha” Rand Paul’s Senate office door…he opens it…and there stands the equivalent of Luca Brasi saying, “We need to talk.” 

The bottom line isn’t complicated: The faces are changing.  But not their two-faced nature.  And the chances of anything actually improving, sadly, are just about zero. 

So, when fugly Frank Luntz or some other pollster approaches you two years down the road and asks whether you’re “better off today than you were in 2010,” you can feel confident in replying, “Yes,” if your previous address was Mogadishu.