Fred Imus's Sunny Outlook

Satellite radio has been available for nearly ten years, and today one of its employees, Fred Imus, star of Sirius XM’s Outlaw Country Radio, presciently deemed it “the future.”
 
Keeping its biggest personality Howard Stern around, however, was not the company’s best move, in Fred’s opinion. “They pay him so much money, they can’t pay anybody else any money,” he told his brother, who was not of the same opinion.
 
“I don’t know if there’s anybody that’s as stupid as you are,” Imus said. In all fairness, Fred’s only about as dumb as the person who just recently bought him a brand new trailer and a brand new truck.
 
“Only because Deirdre said, ‘You ought to help Fred out,’” Imus insisted. “You can thank her for that. If it were up to me you’d be living in a cardboard box.”
 
Ever the astute political observer, Fred tuned in to watch President Obama’s State of the Union address this past Tuesday, but had little to say on the subject. “I watched it for under a minute,” he said. “When it became apparent he wasn’t going to resign, then I just watched something else.”
 
Interestingly, Fred noticed that The History Channel was airing a program about the antichrist at the same time Obama was delivering the State of the Union. “I flipped back and forth, and after a while I couldn’t tell the difference,” he said.
 
Imus then shared the exciting news with Fred that Wyatt would be heading down to Texas soon to spend five days roping with World Champion roper Joe Beaver. Knowing his brother’s affinity for cutting horses, Imus pointed out that Beaver’s son is a former horse-cutting champion.
 
“Those guys, they can go out and buy their kids the best horse on the planet,” Fred said, then backed off. “I’m not taking anything away from his kid.”
 
Funny, because that’s exactly what it sounded like. “You’re telling me the kid had a good horse, and he’s just lucky he stayed on him?” said Imus.
 
After a few seconds, Fred replied, “Basically, that’s what it is.”
 
As evidenced by his lack of material this morning, Fred admitted he’s lost interest in most things, specifically football. “If it’s convenient, I’ll watch it,” he said about the Superbowl. “It it’s not, I won’t watch it.”
 
Sort of like how if it’s convenient to be amusing on his brother’s program, he’ll do it, and if it’s not, screw it. “You sucked today,” Imus told Fred. Then, “I love you.”
 
-Julie Kanfer