Gov. Christie Justifies Mental Patient Behavior

Contrary to information given Imus this morning, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has not been to 130 Bruce Springsteen concerts. He has been to 125. More on that later.

Christie has received both praise and criticism lately in his efforts to reduce his state’s $11 billion budget deficit, and he told Imus today that he’s not doing it on the backs of schoolteachers, who have continued to receive 4-5 percent pay increases every year and free health benefits despite the state’s dour financial situation.

“Who in the world is getting free health benefits anymore, free family health benefits? Everybody contributes to their health care,” said Christie. “I just have thought all along there’s no way you can have just one sector of our society who’s sheltered from everything that’s going on in the economy, and have the people who are getting hurt by the economy the most be the ones paying for that shelter.”

Christie has made cuts in every department of state government, but he’s also managed to put a two percent cap on property tax increases. So far, the reaction from his constituents has been mostly positive. “I’m more popular now than I was the day I was elected,” Christie boasted.

As he untwisted the arm that was patting himself on the back, Christie emphatically dispelled any notion that he’d run for President in 2012. “No chance,” he said, uncharacteristically candid for a politician. “Mrs. Christie would kick me out of the house. It would be over.”

Besides, Christie’s got important business to cover as governor, like the 12-inch thick binder of research that the Deirdre Imus Environmental Center for Pediatric Oncology recently sent his way, and that Imus doubted the Governor actually read.

“Of course I did!” Christie shot back. “You think I’m going to mess with you and Deirdre?”

Appearing on “This Week with Jake Tapper” yesterday, Christie made news by declaring that he thinks the hit MTV show “Jersey Shore” is negative for his state.

“It’s a bunch of nudniks down at the Shore worried about their abs,” said Christie, who obviously isn’t too worried about his. “I don’t think that represents New Jersey, and I don’t think it’s positive for New Jersey.”

Besides, he added, “it’s a bunch of people from New York who they parachute into Seaside Heights.”

One person who is very much from New Jersey, however, is Sir Springsteen, the apple of Christie’s eye. Asked why he has felt compelled to attend 125 Bruce concerts in his lifetime, Christie said, “Because for three hours, Don, it just makes me feel good, baby.”

TMI, Governor.

-Julie Kanfer