Chris Wallace to Nashville: Good Luck With That Whole 'Flood' Thing

So, why is Chris Wallace totally ignoring the devastating floods that have all but drowned Nashville, Tennessee?

“I do a Washington, political Sunday talk show,” he instructed Imus. “What do you want me to do?”

Well, you could start by at least feigning concern. “I feel very badly for the people in Nashville,” he said disingenuously, making sure to point out that he stayed at the Opryland Hotel on a recent visit to Nashville to interview Sarah Palin. “I hear the first floor is underwater, so I feel badly about that.”

Accused of copping “an elitist, inside-the-Beltway attitude,” Wallace protested that covering that type of story simply isn’t in his job description. He does, however, hope the people of Nashville get the help they need. He just isn’t interested in facilitating that help.

Of greater interest to Wallace, at least this morning, was disparaging the I-Man for not getting out “among real people” like Wallace so often does. “Your idea of ‘real people’ is the West Side of Manhattan, or that exclusive enclave you live in in Connecticut,” said the man who would soon brag about having eaten at Rao’s a few nights ago.

Then, names were called, among them “Tubbo” and “Cadaver face.” And just like that, another prominent journalist was officially reduced to Imus’s level. Fantastic.

Since Imus had invoked an epithet to highlight his guest’s rapidly expanding waistline, it was probably a mistake for Wallace to mention that he ate and drank himself into a stupor on Monday night at the notoriously impossible to get into restaurant Rao’s in Harlem.

“You’re the elitist shmuck,” Imus was quick to point out. “Not me.”

As he continued to rag on Wallace for not doing anything for the people of Nashville, it dawned on the host of Fox News Sunday to question the I-Man’s efforts. Told, “I’m talking about it,” Wallace all but freaked out. 

“You’re talking about it? That’s it? That’s what you’re A-game is?” Wallace said, and wondered when things went so wrong this morning, aside from when he picked up the phone.

This Sunday, Wallace will interview Laura Bush, and leaves today to fly down to Dallas. “We’ll fly over Nashville,” he told Imus. “I’ll look out the window.”

Suddenly, Wallace found a reason to draw attention to the floods in Nashville, and, not suprisingly, it was food-related. “There was a very nice restaurant I ate at when I was interviewing Sara Palin, called Margot’s,” he said. “Now I’ve done a plug for Margot’s, and that’ll boost the local economy.”

Told Margot’s was probably under water, Wallace’s callous reply was, “It’ll dry out.”

And, from Imus, “So will you.”

-Julie Kanfer