Tonya Reiman Teaches Imus What He Didn't Know He Already Knew. Or Something.

For someone focused on non-verbal communication, Tonya Reiman, author of The Yes Factor: Get What You Want. Say What You Mean. The Secrets of Persuasive Communication, has an awful lot to say.

“You learn something that you already knew, but you didn’t know why you knew it,” she said of her book. For instance, there is a fine line between anxiety and depression. “Sometimes we might think someone’s being deceptive, when in fact they’re in a situation that makes them really highly anxious.”

Imus thinks Reiman’s book is fascinating, but some of it seemed like homework to the academically stunted host of his program.

“Practice one new thing each day,” Reiman, a frequent guest on The O’Reilly Factor, recommended. “So the first day, practice making eye contact, if that’s not something you’re comfortable with. The second day, practice smiling. The third day, listen to how you sound.”

Some the easiest subjects for Reiman to decode are her own children. “They haven’t learned how to hide their signals,” she said of kids. “Watch them—they’ll give their signals to you, as long as you never tell them what their signals are.”

Reiman also spends time “norming” or “baselining” people to determine their regular behavior, which makes it easier to pinpoint deviations. “You put that into context with other clues,” she explained.

As for “getting anyone to say yes,” as she advertises in her book, Reiman advises bonding with people build a rapport. “At the end of the day, this is really about personal satisfaction, making people feel good about who they are and who they’re talking to,” said Reiman, describing a rare occurrence on this show.

To avoid overdoing the friendliness, and thereby annoying the I-Man, Reiman suggests mirroring. “If you’re aggressive, I’m not going to be aggressive, but I’m not going to be overly nice either,” she said. “I’m going to be neutral until I feel you out and I’ll feed you back not only the body language you use, but also some of the words that you use.”

This sort of tactic works well not only for job interviews or when gunning for a promotion, but also in the dating world, where men frequently miss out a woman’s hints.

“We’ll get closer to the people we find attractive,” she said. “We also tend to make eye contact, tilt our heads a little bit more, have a coy little smile.”

Also important, according to Reiman, is lining up your words with someone else’s. “If they’re using visual words, like, ‘I can see what you’re talking about,’ you want to feed them back and say, ‘I’m glad you can picture that,’” she said. “It’s an unconscious connection you’re making.”

What it all boils down to, she said, is that “we tend to be comfortable with people who are like us.” Though The Yes Factor might contain some “homework,” as Imus put it, she believes her advice will build new habits. “Once they’re formed,” she said, “There’s no turning back.”

And, as Imus keenly observed, “You can get babes with it!”

-Julie Kanfer