Rep. Eric Cantor and Imus Bum Each Other Out

It was difficult to figure out who was more of a downer this morning, the I-Man or his guest, Rep. Eric Cantor, a Republican from Virginia. As the two discussed the increasingly dire situation in Afghanistan and the fallout of President Obama’s health care bill, it became evident that everything everywhere is in the crapper.  

Expressing his frustration with pressure from the U.S. to reform his corrupt government, Afghan President Hamid Karzai threatened over the weekend to join the Taliban. Beyond showing that U.S. leaders aren’t the only ones apt to say stupid things, Karzai’s outburst is symptomatic of the ever-present state of chaos and lack of transparency in Afghanistan.

“Clearly that country is not going to be a democracy the way that we know it, and I think we need to allow that reality to affect what it is our long-term goals are,” said Cantor, who thinks U.S. security should be at the top of that list.

Imus, however, noted the futility of an American presence in a country where the U.S.-installed government is threatening to join the enemy.

“Our success in Afghanistan is imperative,” Cantor offered.. “We need to make sure that not only does that country never again serve as a base for terrorist operations or attacks to be launched against us or our interests, but on the other hand, we also need to be very concerned about making sure that we never see a destabilized nuclear Pakistan.”

Moving on to an equally cataclysmic topic, Imus noted with wonder that the world did not end when health care reform passed. Laughing, Cantor took the opposite view.

“People are trying to figure out what it means for them,” he said. “But I can tell you what it means for the country is a hastened path to bankruptcy if we’re not able to repeal this and replace it with the kind of health care bill Americans want and, frankly, need.”

With all this talk of trillions of dollars being spent on so many different fronts, it seems to Imus that the notion of bankruptcy is really beside the point. “I keep asking myself, what the hell difference does it make?” he said.

Cantor, of course, insisted it makes a difference because nobody can operate forever off of money they don’t have. “We’ve got to get a grip and get real in Washington, and stop this spending and expanding, and start looking at how we grow the economy,” he said.

At this point, Negative Nelly declared that spending in Washington will never stop. “You guys have to run every two years, and the other guys every six years, Karzai is going to join the Taliban, and there’s no point!” Imus cried. “There’s just no point in anything.”

The President is decidedly more upbeat than Imus, now that he finally got something done. “He had his mojo back, he had a spring in his step, and he’s playing basketball with Clark Kellogg,” Imus observed. “Everything may not be right in the world, but at least he’s not all down in the mouth!”

Let’s just say Cantor didn’t exactly share those sentiments. “I would temper your glee, Imus,” he said, warning that with a spring in the President’s step comes one of the largest entitlement programs in this country’s history.

And with that, Imus’s fleeting moment of euphoria passed. “Now you’ve got me all bummed out again,” he said sadly.

-Julie Kanfer