Imus Puts Lt. Col. Bill Cowan on the Line

In an almost laughable turn of events, Afghan President Hamid Karzai recently accused the United States of interfering in the internal affairs of Afghanistan.

“Yes, we did interfere in the internal affairs,” Lt. Col. Bill Cowan, a Fox News Military Analyst, told Imus today. “We helped him get elected in the first place.”

As is usually the case in Afghanistan, Cowan said things with Karzai are going to get worse before they get better. “He has cozy relationships now with Iran and China, who we can hardly say are our friends over there,” said Cowan, a retired Marine Corps officer. “He’s accused the NATO forces—45 countries of committed troops—almost of being foreign invaders.”

This rhetoric serves to drive an already alienated Afghan population even further away from the U.S. Should Karzai act on threats to join the Taliban, at least then the U.S. would know for certain that the shady Afghan leader is in fact the enemy, Cowan joked.

While some people have discussed withdrawing all Western forces and cutting off finances in Afghanistan, that simply cannot be done. “We have to make sure there is a stable environment, to the degree we can, when we pull out,” said Cowarn. “If we can’t do that, we’ve just got another hotbed for Al-Qaeda, the Taliban, and anybody else.”

As for what the United States does for the remainder of Karzai’s five years in office, Cowan said, “I think we worry.” He stressed the importance of taking the focus off Karazi in Kabul, placing it instead on supporting the lower levels of government and tribal leaders throughout the country.

“We can’t just up and leave because we can’t suffer the consequences,” he said. “One alternative is, how do you bypass this guy, and how do you really get down to the people who are going to make a difference?”

To implement that plans, Cowan said agencies like the State Department, the Agriculture Department, the United Nations and others who have never cooperated in the past have to work together.

Frustrated with all this talk of teamwork, Imus wondered if there had been any talk at the CIA about “bumping” Karzai off.

Cowan laughed nervously, saying that while some around the world might wish they could, he was not suggesting it personally for fear of winding up on the news.

“I am suggesting it,” said Imus, who doesn’t care where he ends up. “I’m trying to get you to suggest it.”

So Cowan did, adding, “Let’s hope there are creative minds in this town.”

Don’t hold your breath, Lieutenant.

-Julie Kanfer