Oh, Neil Cavuto. When Will You Ever Learn?

In an interview that was equal parts contentious and cringe-worthy, Neil Cavuto, who might be Imus’s boss as the Fox Business Network, explained to the I-Man the difference between immorality and illegality. Well, he tried to, anyway.

“The fundamental drive to make money regardless hasn’t changed,” Cavuto said of Wall Street. In the case of Goldman Sachs, where brokers knowingly sold clients bad investments while allowing hedge funds to bet against them, the question is whether that activity was illegal. Not, as Imus has claimed, whether it was unethical behavior.    

“It’s a very slippery slope,” Cavuto warned, and accused Imus of being vulnerable to such temptation himself on “every issue known to man.”

Like Cavuto should talk. “The ethics and morality of people on Wall Street is akin to gangsters, and you know it,” said Imus. “I hate to impugn you with the gangster reference, because I know you and Gasparino are very sensitive about that.”

But just as Cavuto’s Italian heritage does not mean he is a member of organized crime, so too with Wall Street bankers. “We can’t really castigate everybody for what a few people were doing,” Cavuto said, insisting there’s nothing wrong with trying to make money.

He further ridiculed Imus for falling asleep “in the middle of an otherwise superb interview” with Bob Kerrey last week, in which Kerrey said it didn’t matter if Goldman’s behavior was illegal.

“It should matter!” Cavuto bellowed. “It is at the core of this debate.”

The best way to solve the problem, in Imus’s view, would be this: “It’s going to require that they turn their lives over to Jesus.”

Flabbergasted and frustrated, Cavuto, who has been covering Wall Street for a long-ass time, conceded, “There’s nothing wrong with the profit motive. There’s everything wrong with taking advantage of people.”

He supports increased transparency in the form of publicly-traded derivatives, for example, and he’s okay with “letting the world know you have a bet both for or against mortgages.” He is wary, however, of “indicting the entire industry,” as Imus has done.

“That’s just to get you going,” Imus admitted, at which point Cavuto called him “an ingrate” who “has benefited from capitalism like few people I know,” only to “turn around and piss on it!”

He then made the not very original remark that Imus suits history and facts to fit his own biases. He further observed that the sky is blue, water is wet, and snow is cold.

“We’re here watching the freak parade,” Imus told his guest. “And you’re in it.”

-Julie Kanfer