For All Your Security Needs, and the Occasional Pop Culture Review, Look No Further Than Bo Dietl

Looking more like a member of the chorus line from "Guys & Dolls" than a respected businessman and former tough cop, Bo Dietl insisted today that President Obama listens to this program. Following Bo's appearance last week where he complained about banks not lending to small businesses, Obama announced plans to do just that.

"You are more delusional than Sarah Palin," Imus declared.

Palin, appearing more dense than usual in yesterday's interview with Chris Wallace, is "over," according to Bo, who advised the former Alaska Governor, "Enough already."

For once, Imus and Bo were in total agreement. "I went and took an IQ test after that interview," Imus said. "I lost 40 points."

Instead of railing about mostly irrelevant self-serving issues today, Bo opted to provide his opinion on popular television programs like "Lost" and "Man vs. Wild."

In "Man vs. Wild," adventure-seeker Bear Grylls is dropped by a helicopter into remote and often dangerous locations. On one recent episode, Grylls landed in what Bo described as "some snowdrift in Iceland," where he did something incredible.

"He dug a hole with his hand, and the next thing you know the camera comes in and he's got a two-bedroom apartment there," Bo said, obviously jealous that Grylls's survival skills far exceed his own.

Bo is convinced that Grylls has "fifteen guys with a Winnebago" following him around, and called this perceived fraud "an insult to my integrity."

And don't even get him started on ABC's "Lost."

"These people have been lost for eight years!" Bo whined. He called all television programming, with the exception of The History Channel, "puke-atacious."

Imus decided to use "puke-atacious to describe Harold Ford, Jr. from this day forward. For the record, he'll also employ "transparent," "phony," and "sniveling weasel."

While the I-Man was able to spot Ford's fraudulent nature without anybody's help, Bo Dietl's company can assist you in the discovery of less obvious cases of weasel-like behavior.

"We're having a special on corporate investigations," said Bo, whose website is www.investigations.com. "Make sure you know who you're going into business with."

Over the years, Bo has done a background check on every person hired by Imus Ranch. There was only one failure that he could recall, telling Imus, "It was your brother."

-Julie Kanfer