Imus Does NOT Program A Television Network, But Jake Tapper Wishes He Did

If Imus was in charge of programming at ABC News, he’d give Jake Tapper, their Chief White House Correspondent, the permanent gig hosting “This Week” on Sunday mornings. Tapper, however, was mum on who he’d like to see fill the slot.

“It depends on who the other candidates are,” he said, foolishly responding to a question that Imus himself admitted was evil.

But not as evil as, say, former Vice President Dick Cheney, who appeared on “This Week” last Sunday. It was an interesting morning, and not just for ABC.

“I’ve never seen the White House try to counter-program before,” said Tapper, referring to the curious appearance of Obama administration officials on four other networks. “All of a sudden, the White House is putting Biden out on CBS and NBC, and putting General Jones, the National Security Advisor, on FOX and CNN.”

Again, had this been Imus’s call, he would have booked Cheney and Vice President Joe Biden on the same program, thereby guaranteeing several hilarious and potentially violent moments between two draft-dodging, old white guys.

But for all of Cheney’s wicked ways (i.e. lying to get us into Iraq), Imus found little to disagree with in what Cheney about how the U.S. should treat terrorists and where the 9/11 plotters’ trials should be held.

Tapper then invoked the wisdom of “Seinfeld” character George Costanza, saying, “It’s not a lie if you believe it.”

While President Obama has yet to lie so profusely to the American people, he has not delivered on the one thing people want most, at least according to the polls.

“Every week we’re told that there’s going to be a hard pivot to talk about jobs, and then every week something else happens,” said Tapper.

Today marks once year since the stimulus bill became law, but few Americans are celebrating. “Even if the White House spent the whole day convincing every American that they have, in fact, saved two million jobs…unemployment is still at 9.7 percent,” Tapper said, adding that a strong economic recovery is not expected anytime soon.  

Though Tapper doesn’t see much of Obama personally, he sees a lot of White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, who, despite his current Mrs. Doubtfire-like appearance, was a hunky teenager. And there’s a picture in the White House Press Office to prove it.

“You said you didn’t want it,” Tapper told Imus. “But I think you need to see it.”

No thanks.

-Julie Kanfer