Could Mike Lupica Be Replaced As Imus's BFF?

Sports columnist, political observer, and Imus's pal, Mike Lupica, protested that he was not threatened by former Alaska Governor, and current jack-of-all-trades, Sarah Palin.

"I think you are," Imus said. "I think you're in the fetal position up there in your little mansion in Connecticut."

Much like New York Governor David Paterson has been lately, as he fends off rumors of extramarital affairs. He flatly denied these charges Wednesday on the "Imus in the Morning" program, which Lupica said is becoming "like a halfway house" for Paterson.

But Lupica picked up on something else Paterson told Imus. "When you asked him who is organizing this smear campaign, he never really says who it is," Lupica said. "But he kinda talks about how it's 'his opponent' — well, he's only got one opponent, really: Andrew Cuomo."

Lupica's criticism of the governor could easily be interpreted as jealousy. "Why you gotta be hating on my new best friend?" Imus asked his current best friend.

But Lupica could see right through the I-Man's defense of his "friend" Paterson, whose dismal poll numbers indicate he'll face a fierce election battle come November.

"I know you're trying to get him out of this with the Jaws of Life, and then show that dragging what's-his-name over there in New Jersey across the finish line was nothing compared to this rehab effort on your part," Lupica told Imus, who happily agreed.

Jumping over to sports (which, let's be honest, is really Lupica's forte), Imus was impressed that Lupica had taken an interest in this weekend's Daytona 500 car race.

"I was even going on the internet yesterday to find out whether Jimmie Johnson and Tony Stewart had won their qualifiers," Lupica admitted. His paper, the New York Daily News, and others in the Northeast devote little sports coverage to car racing, but Lupica doubts it matters much to the drivers, some of whom make millions each year.

"How could Jimmie Johnson be any bigger than he already is, or making more money than he already makes?" Lupica wondered.

Maybe if he had NBC building hype around a two-week old injury that could affect his performance in the upcoming Olympics? Oh wait, they're already doing that for skier Lindsay Vonn, who may or may not compete because of a bruise on her shin.

"We needed a storyline, Don," Lupica explained of the sudden attention given Vonn. "[NBC] is going to lose $200 million. They don't wan to lose $300 million, okay?"

Watch Lupica on this Sunday's edition of ESPN's The Sports Reporters. Or don't. Whatever.

-Julie Kanfer