Weird Things Happen Inside Michael Graham's Head

It was an interesting morning for Michael Graham, who compared Iran to a singing competition, presidents to ex-wives, and health care in Massachusetts to that of the former Soviet Republic.

"We have a mini version of Obama-care up here," said Graham, hoarse from a cold (or from making out with Rielle Hunter, he joked). "The government wants the power to set prices for medical care because the costs keep going up so fast."

Uncomfortable with Governor Deval Patrick wielding such authority, Graham, who hosts the midday show on 96.9 FM WTKK in Boston, would feel much better with someone slightly more Alaskan captaining his ship.

"When it comes to actually fixing the economy and stopping terrorists from killing me, we would be much better off if we'd elected Sarah Palin president in 2008 than we are today," said Graham. "Without a doubt. It's not even debatable."

So, he has faith in Palin to solve financial problems and national security dilemmas, but does he trust her to complete a word game?

"There's a crossword puzzle, and your life depends on two people being able to solve it," Imus said to his guest. "Sarah Palin or Scott Brown?"

Pledging loyalty to his home state, Graham conveniently chose newly-elected Republican Senator Scott Brown. He then turned the tables on Imus, pressing him on who he thinks would get more information out of a terrorist: President Obama or Sarah Palin. Imus went with Palin, much to Graham's delight.

The ever cynical Graham also believes Americans would, given the option, put Bush 43 back at the helm.

"This is like you dumped one wife and married another so bad, you're thinking, 'Man, I wish I could go back to that first one,'" he said. "You have to really suck as a President go make people have buyer's remorse and want to go back to George W. Bush."

As for the future, Graham predicted his state's former Governor, Mitt Romney, would be the Republican nominee for President in 2012 if unemployment remains at ten percent.

"But if Iran jumps up, I don't know what will happen," Graham allowed.

Iran has not done much jumping yet today, the 31st anniversary of its Islamic revolution, despite President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's claims of a big announcement.

"Iran is turning into American Idol," said Graham. "They keep saying, 'It's gonna get wild!' and it turns out it's just another fat chick jumping around singing about her pants."

-Julie Kanfer