Imus Wishes Harm Upon Michael Graham, Then Tells a 'Killer' Joke

Boston-based Conservative cuckoo Michael Graham hails from South Carolina, where he was once fired from public radio (with much less fanfare than Juan Williams, who was let go from NPR yesterday) for criticizing state politicians there. 
 
“I pointed out that if they got rid of all the crooks in the State House, there wouldn’t be enough people left to convene a quorum,” Graham said. “And so that’s when I found out it’s not public radio, it’s government radio. You know, like Pravda?”
 
Finished with his silly little anecdote, Graham wondered whether Williams was fired for what he said—that seeing Muslims in traditional garb on airplanes makes him nervous—or because he appears regularly on Fox News, which yesterday signed him to a lucrative new contract.
 
Imus replied, “I think you’ve got to stop wetting your pants every time you get on a plane and see somebody in a funny hat.”
 
This comment was met with protests of, “Dude, Islam is different,” from Graham, suddenly a surfer. He wondered why this is so hard for people to admit, then blamed the “loony left” for telling people to stop noticing Islam’s inherent troubles.
 
“It’s like you’re the little kid at Thanksgiving dinner, and there’s grandma slicing the turkey, and there’s dad ladling the gravy, and there’s Uncle Achmed pouring the mashed potatoes on his hat, and you’re supposed to say, ‘I’m not noticing this,’” Graham said. “There is a problem, and the problem is inside Islam.”
 
Imus’s problem, however, was with the sweeping notion made by Graham and others, like Bill O’Reilly on The View last week, that Muslims attacked the World Trade Center on 9/11. “It wasn’t Muslims,” Imus said. “It was Muslim terrorists.”
 
Graham insisted there was still a difference. “How can you get fired talking about any other religion?” he said. “You can go on TV and say, ‘Jesus was a transvestite pedophile who stole crutches from lepers,’ and the reaction would be, ‘I saw that on South Park three weeks ago.’”
 
Though Imus loves Graham, he found himself wishing something bad would happen to his “wrong,” “stupid” guest. “Maybe you can have a heart attack while we’re talking,” the man battling cancer said.
 
Then, Imus wondered if Graham had heard Brett Favre’s wife’s excuse for her husband sending another woman pictures of his private parts. “She said she thought they were originally intended for her,” Imus said. “But you know Brett—they got intercepted.”
 
He’ll be here all week, folks. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses.
 
-Julie Kanfer