Alan Colmes Becomes Enraged At Mention Of Imus's Cancer

Imus started off today’s interview with FOX News’s Alan Colmes in an unusual manner. He paid his guest, by all accounts a liberal weenie, a compliment for his appearance on The O’Reilly Factor alongside sister-in-law Monica Crowley.

“I love Monica,” said Colmes. “She’s just wrong about everything.”

Accused of hating Sarah Palin “as a lot of you liberals do,” Colmes insisted that what he feels is less hatred, more pity.

“When she’s talking, it sounds like she’s taken a bunch of refrigerator word magnets, thrown them against the refrigerator, and randomly chosen them,” he said.

Moving on, Colmes said he understands why Henry Louis Gates, Jr. reacted the way he did to being arrested at his own home by a white cop in Cambridge, after it had been discovered that Gates was not in fact an intruder.

“It doesn’t matter who you are—your skin color often dictates the life experiences you have,” said Colmes, who agreed with Imus that an ill-informed President Obama never should have used the word “stupidly” to describe the police officer’s behavior.

But he complimented Obama’s damage control, subsequently inviting the officer and Gates to the White House for a beer. “This is not a Left-Right issue,” said Colmes.

The arresting officer, Sgt. James Crowley, claimed he forced an irate Gates out of his home because of poor acoustics, which lead Gates to yell something along the lines of, “I’ll come outside to talk to your mama.” Naturally, Colmes defended this behavior.

“Maybe he wanted to meet the rest of his family?” he suggested.

Colmes believes this will be a key teachable moment for Obama because “it gives us a chance to have a real dialogue about race, and enables us to get intimate about this issue.”

Formerly the co-host of Hannity & Colmes, Colmes is now allegedly “developing a pilot” for FOX News, which is code for we’re not quite sure what. Sean Hannity will be visiting the Imus Ranch on Friday, and had wondered if he’d be able to ride a horse.

“I said, ‘We’ll tell the little children with cancer that we’ll cancel the program that day so the big time talk show host can ride a horsie,’” said Imus, who, in case Colmes had forgotten, is still battling cancer.

“You always bring that up!” Colmes said, annoyed.

To which Imus retorted, “Because I always have it!”

-Julie Kanfer