Frank Rich And Charles Learn The Hard Way That Imus Is, In Fact, Battling Cancer

He’s been a guest for years, and today that level of familiarity and comfort worked against poor old Frank Rich, op-ed columnist for the New York Times. What started off as a friendly, profound interview turned sour around minute fourteen, when Imus began to cough. More on that later.

Rich, as much a follower of pop culture as of anything else, commented on the peculiar response in America to the death of a famous person.

“When someone dies, we want to have everything,” he said, referring to news that the first nine albums on Billboard’s top ten pop chart this week are all Michael Jackson-related albums. “For all the controversy and the darkness, he’s an amazing figure.”

The story of Jackson’s death, while sad, is the gift that keeps on giving for the cable news networks. As is that of Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina.

“Charles read some of Sanford’s emails on the air,” Imus told Rich. “It made some people who listen to the radio, and others who work on the program, hot.”

This past Sunday, Rich wrote about the 40-year anniversary of the raid at the Stonewall Inn in New York City’s Greenwich Village. The event, which received limited attention at the time, is considered the touchstone for the gay rights movement. Yet despite its vast proliferation since 1969, many gay people feel overlooked by President Obama.

“The President promised he was going to give gay people their rights under the law,” he said. “Not special rights—their rights to everything, including the benefits of marriage.” He blamed Obama’s foot-dragging on the long memories of many Clintonites still entrenched in the current administration.

“They remember how Clinton bumbled and fumbled on these issues, particularly in the very beginning of his first term when he created ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,’” said Rich. “They’re worried about doing anything that might trigger that kind of political reaction.”

Acknowledging that Obama has “a lot on his plate,” Rich emphasized that addressing the issue of gay rights, “which seems kind of pro forma,” should really be a no-brainer.

Another of Rich’s recent columns, entitled “The Obama Haters’ Silent Enablers,” became all too real for the I-Man when he tried to purchase some shells for his .38 pistol in Northern New Mexico.

“Five different gun stores were sold out because people here are stockpiling weapons and ammunition,” said Imus. “They think President Obama is going to take away their guns!”

Then came the mental patient coughing fit. Imus excused himself, and encouraged Charles to engage Mr. Rich on this interesting topic.

“It reminds me of what was in the air when I was a kid with the Kennedy administration—this hatred,” said Rich. “It’s like the suspicion that [Obama] wasn’t born in Hawaii, and that somehow he’s foreign even though the birth certificate exists.”

Rich called such strong anti-Obama sentiment “out of control,” and “like one dark cloud gathering over the country.”

Then our very own dark cloud chimed back in.

“This is unbelievable!” Imus said, having recovered. “Here I am—we already know I’m battling cancer—and I have this horrible coughing fit, and you’d think one of you two bastards would say, ‘I wonder if Don’s okay?’”

Said Rich, “We were grateful for the chance to catch up in your absence.”

-Julie Kanfer