Mary Matalin: Avid Freak Parade Observer

In what was sort of an "enhanced interrogation technique" itself, Imus interviewed Mary Matalin, who was snuggled up in her husband's cushy chair, relishing the extra five minutes of alone time Imus had afforded her by running a few minutes late. These moments of calm soon ended.

"So, it turns out all your buddies in the Bush administration were just a bunch of absolutely, totally, almost bordering on clinically insane people!" Imus told Matalin, who worked in the White House for both George W. Bush and Dick Cheney.

Matalin attempted to defend her cronies, like former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, who, according to Frank Rich's column in yesterday's New York Times, sent Bush memos featuring propagandized photographs of the Iraq war accompanied by biblical quotations.

"I never saw any of that," said Matalin. "I never heard anyone quote scripture."

Imus observed that Bush believed God was always on his side. Matalin called Imus a typical "Manhattanite" who sees faithful people as having a mental disorder, which she protested was not the case with Bush.

"He prayed, as people of faith do, for guidance and courage," she said. "I think millions of people in America would recognize that, as opposed to the way it's always caricatured."

Pressed on the "Manhattanite" issue, Matalin said she was not referring to Imus (who, um, lives in Manhattan), because he has a "detachment" and a "deep, lovely soul." Clearly Matalin is drinking more than just the Republican Kool-Aid these days.

Matalin is mystified and entertained by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's attempts to ward off accusations concerning her knowledge about the U.S. using torture. "People who get caught in something always make it worse for themselves!" she cried. "This is rule number one in crisis management-stop digging! She is burying herself alive."

Living blissfully with her husband James Carville and their two daughters in New Orleans, Matalin admitted she enjoys watching events unfold from her veranda.

"We're here monitoring the Freak Parade!" Imus chimed in. "And they're in it. And of course so are you. And so are we!"

A matter of utmost concern to Matalin is Imus's health. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked, ever so kindly.

"No," said Imus. "I could go at any minute."

-Julie Kanfer