Mary Matalin Did Not Work For A Dope (She's Just Speaking to One Now)

Playing each guest's five favorite songs has resulted in some unfortunate karaoke bar moments over the last few weeks, but Mary Matalin's entree today, singing "Good Morning, America, how are you?" might have been the least offensive. That being said, Mary, please never do it again.

Matalin, a Republican strategist who worked for the Bad Bush, would have advised President Obama against traveling to Norway (to accept his Nobel Peace Prize) and then to Copenhagen (to attend a global warming summit), given the state of his own country.

"I don't know how that speaks to Americans who are concerned about their jobs, and the impending demise of their health care system," she said. "He's had a rough year. I wouldn't have ended it this way."

Imus isn't necessarily on board with the climate change hullabaloo, mainly because it has nothing to do with him — or so he thought.

"It is based upon fraudulent science, science for which the data has been deleted or massaged or suppressed, which is contrary to the model these religious zealots have pulled together," said Matalin. "The upshot of all this is the reallocation of trillions and trillions of dollars. It's just a big money scam, and those are your tax dollars."

Imus figures everything is a money scam; in this particular instance, he thinks the U.S. and other "wealthy" countries are using climate change as an excuse to generate money for poorer countries that rarely use it for its intended purpose.

"What they wind up doing is buying cocaine and hookers, and riding around in limos with the money," Imus said. Speaking of cash, Sarah Palin's book Going Rogue has been wildly successful, and is further proof to the I-Man that "she's going to hang around long enough until she gets taken seriously."

Matalin said that would merely be a happy coincidence, and that Palin is sticking around because she connects with Americans on a very basic level. "When she is maligned, and made fun of, and pilloried the way she is, people take it personally because they connect with her, and they think they're being made fun of," she said.

Such oppression leads to demonstrations like the tea parties, where angry people not previously considered activists were compelled to speak out. "She kind of represents that very important and earthy segment of this culture," Matalin said.

Imus has limited any criticism of Palin whether she's equipped to be President of the U.S. "It's fair if you're talking about whether she has the intellectual heft of even George Bush," Imus said, and then tried to get Matalin to admit her former boss was a dope.

If Bush is such a dope, Matalin wondered, why is Obama embracing his Afghanistan and national security policies?

"They all have either a Karl Rove or a James Carville, one of those mad geniuses behind the scenes pulling the strings," Imus said of presidents in general. "They're still dopes."

In that way, and we hope that way only, the United States government functions much like the staff of the Imus in the Morning program.

-Julie Kanfer