At This Rate, Chris Wallace Is Never Going to Interview Obama

Chris Wallace was mortified by his Fox News colleague Neil Cavuto's five favorite songs, which the I-Man was playing on today's show. In fact, two of the selections, YMCA and The Wind Beneath My Wings, led Wallace to wonder if Cavuto was actually a woman.

Imus defended his pal Cavuto's taste in music, calling it "eclectic." Wallace insisted these selections were unacceptable, leading Imus to one conclusion about his guest.

"You're a manly man," he told him.

Fox News's Chief White House Correspondent Major Garrett finally scored an interview with President Obama, his network's first since the White House instituted its so-called "ban" on Fox News.

"The official transcript begins with Major saying that the Fox News family is happy to welcome him back, and he wished him and his family a merry Christmas," said Wallace, who would have taken a different route.

"I would have been a smart aleck," he said. "I would have said something like, 'Long time no see!'"

As for the President's recent trip to Asia, Wallace viewed it as somewhat of a regression.

"We set down some markers with Bill Clinton and George W. Bush both talking about human rights, pressing in public for the Chinese to do more about that, more democratization, more of an open society," he said. "And this President did none of that, not in public, at least."

Of course not: the United States owes the Chinese somewhere in the neighborhood of $1 billion. "How rough are you going to be with your banker?" Wallace added.

Imus advised Wallace, who is still trying to land an interview with Obama, to "ix-nay" on those sort of wise-ass, intemperate observations, which are not helping his cause.

But Wallace seemed unwilling to back off, criticizing Attorney General Eric Holder for deciding to hold the 9/11 planners' trial in civilian court in New York City. On Wallace's show Fox News Sunday last week, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani made a case against it, citing the increased risk to the city. Democratic U.S. Senator Jack Reed defended the decision, saying it would "make a statement to the world."

"That's an awfully expensive statement," said Wallace.

As his final question, Imus asked Wallace his choice to complete a London Observer crossword puzzle in ink: Jean Kirkpatrick, Hillary Clinton, or Sarah Palin. Giggling, Wallace picked Palin because, "She might not be right, but she wouldn't be in doubt."

Wallace had no idea who would be on his show this Sunday, but he did have some ideas for Neil Cavuto's remaining favorite songs.

"A show tune?" he wondered. "A Barbara Streisand song?"

-Julie Kanfer