The Softer Side of Kinky Friedman

Flanked by his "body men" Little Jewford and Washignton Ratso, Kinky Friedman stopped by for a chat with his friend Imus today. Attempts to steer Kinky away from talking entirely about himself and his run for Governor of Texas proved futile for the I-Man, who is unaccustomed to such blatant narcissism from someone other than himself.

Fresh off a gig at BB King's Blues Club in New York City last night, Kinky told Imus that musician Ray Benson, "the world's tallest living Jew," doubts Kinky can win the governorship in 2010.

"He contends we're not going to make it this time because the Republican red tide is going to be so big rolling over Texas in 2010," said Kinky. "I think he's wrong about that. I think we're going to win this primary in March, and then we've got nine months to get Prince Humperdink out of there."

"Humperdink" would be current Texas Governor Rick Perry, who used to be a cheerleader.

A rampant gambler, Kinky tried to get Imus to agree to a bet, where if Kinky wins the Democratic primary he gets his own guesthouse at The Imus Ranch.

"It's not a dude ranch," Imus explained. "It's a public foundation for kids with cancer."

Kinky revealed that he was up among Democrats by 19 points in a surprisingly reputable poll by the University of Texas Tribune. So, why should he be Governor?

"I'm the only one who's going to mess with Texas, that's why," he told a skeptical Imus. "I'm going to really mess with Texas, and keep messing with Texas until we get it right."

Although he claimed immigration is "not really a Democratic issue," as Governor he would secure the border, perform criminal background checks on illegal immigrants, and then issue them a new taxpayer ID card. "Let them work!" he added.

This transition to politics has been difficult for Kinky, a musician at heart. "It's a giant step down from a musician to a politician," he said. "As a musician I might just blurt out the truth — it could happen. As a politician, it's never going to happen."

Before signing off, Kinky relayed a touching story about a disabled Iraqi vet who wheeled himself onto the field during a Dallas Cowboys scrimmage game recently. He was chased by cops and referees to get off, but continued around each goal post and across the field, before coming to a rest in front of Cowboys owner and GM Jerry Jones.

"The kid has one hand," said Kinky. "He puts it in Jerry Jones's hand, and puts his head in Jerry Jones's lap, and he looks up at him and says, 'Jerry, what can they do to me?' And Jerry puts his hand on the kids head, and begins to cry."

Kinky thanked Imus his work raising money for wounded vets at the Brooke Army Medical Center in Texas. But Imus was uncomfortable on such a pedestal.

"I don't want anybody looking up my Wranglers," he said.

-Julie Kanfer