Charles Rangel on Nukes

Some people are giving the president a hard time about his nuclear weapons policies. People like Sarah Palin. Hell, She can’t even pronounce nuclear. She says nuke-you-lar. She thinks the cold war was a Smackdown between Nyquil and Robitussin.

I was at a benefit at the American Museum of Natural History. They have a brontosaurus in there; a huge creature with a small brain. I thought to myself, he must sit here everyday and wonder why he’s extinct and she’s still roaming the Earth. That high pitched, dentist drill-like whine you hear is Darwin spinning in his grave.

Statements about Obama’s nuclear policies are designed to scare people and make them sleep with their night lights on like little bitches. Don’t get me wrong, Charlie Rangel sleeps with a night light. But its not because I’m afraid of the dark; its because the dark…is afraid of Charlie Rangel.

Listen up haters: The U.S and Russia have enough nukes combined to kill everybody in the world 40 times over. Unless you’re Don Imus or you were born in a manger, that’s more than enough. If you reduced nukes by a third you’d kill everybody 27 times over.

Having all of these nukes is a lot like having a 40-inch Johnson. It’s impressive to look at, it’s a great conversation starter, but the truth is, you’re never gonna use it. If you did, you’d black out from the blood rushing from your head. So whether it’s the nuclear triad or Rex the human tripod, too much is too much.